The Great Google Street View provides, my children. Google provides. It has become the new all-seeing eye of humanity, and its latest gift is a revelation of epic proportions. Behold! Verily doth Google Earth manifest our Lord, Jesus Christ, and the Virgin Mary hovering in Switzerland, embraced by mist as they levitate above the A5 Highway outside Walensee. You there, in the speeding Audi, every knee shall bend and -- hey, slow down, man! Did you not just see Jesus? Godless Europeans!
The Lord's ways are mysterious. I have no idea why Jesus and Mary would bother visiting Switzerland, which has just a handful of Easter and Christmas Catholics and is otherwise populated by wicked atheists and agnostics. Obviously the Holy Family should be visiting the most pious nation on Earth, the U.S., instead. As per their usual -- when they're not hanging in Latin America. Are you taking us for granted, Lord?
I feel just a little bit shafted here. Then again, no one loves the Virgin Mary like Latin America, so they must be even more miffed. It's just that I always believed that after Jesus' appearance on The Bachelor and the Jesus tortilla in New Mexico and Mary's appearance in a tree in Houston, Texas, that we kind of had a thing going, you know? I thought Jesus and Mary thought we were special.
Maybe they're trying to win back Europe from the non-believers and people of other faiths. I guess I can't blame them, Jesus being a good shepherd and all that. But how are WE supposed to feel all righteous and superior if there aren't enough wicked people to compare ourselves against?
Also: It's too early for ski season, you two. Wait until after the holidays.
OH WAIT. Hold on, this just in: It's an optical illusion, probably caused by some computer or camera glitch. Phew! I was really getting a complex for a minute there. Jesus and Mary, let's not ever fight like this again. I know you love us best!
Do you believe any of these stories about Jesus appearing on Earth, or do you think they're all optical illusions?
Image via Google