This government shutdown, it's enough to make a person drink. Amirite? I'm not advocating self-medicating your shutdown woes or anything, but if you happen to be doing that anyway, there is something you should know: You can put that drinking to good use. A website will actually help you drunk-dial Congress. You plug in your phone number and they'll call you back with a recorded message saying, "Is this government shutdown making you want to drink? When I drink I like to tell people what’s on my mind." Then they send your call to the office of a random House member. The website was created by a left-leaning org, but it dials Republicans and Democrats alike.
So, you take care of the drinking, DrunkDialCongress.org has the dialing covered for you and some great talking points to use. But while we're having fun, let's think up some more. Here's a list of what you could say when you drunk dial Congress.
Hey Rep, 10:00 a.m. called. It wants its $12 million back. So does 11:00 a.m., and 12 noon. And 1:00 p.m. You see where I'm going with this? I can go all day. 2:00, 3:00, 4:00 ...
Pandacam. Pandacam. Pandacam. Pandacam. Pandacam. Pandacam. (Heavy breathing)
Yeah, so I'm here at the World War II monument in D.C.? And they won't let me in. Something about how you fired all the park's employees? Dude, I want to see this memorial. Get off your ass and unlock the gate for me.
Yo, what is it that you do all day? I mean besides reading Dr. Seuss and doing Darth Vader impersonations.
I just want you to know? I still love you. No matter what. You were the best I ever had. You know why? NO ONE HAS EVER SCREWED ME OVER LIKE YOU HAVE.
Panda. Cam. That is all.
Hey, I was just thinking about you, and the good times we had together, you representing me and all, and how sorry you'll be when I don't vote you into office again.
Hon? Could you bring back some formula on your way home from not doing shit today? Baby's hungry and WIC cut us off, ya deadbeat.
I'm calling from the National Zoo. You take care of this shutdown problem or the pandas get it. (No, sweetie, Mommy is not really going to kill the pandas. Shh.) Do you hear me?!! I want the government back up and running or America will never see its pandas ever again!
What would you like to tell Congress?
Image via Anna Oakley/Flickr