"Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country." If ever there were a time for this famous quote by President John F. Kennedy, it is now, in the midst of our super-fun government shutdown. One company is taking that idea to heart ... er, well, to parts below the heart, anyway. Vibrators.com is giving away free vibrators to furloughed federal employees through the shutdown. And if that's not selfless patriotism, I don't know what is.
Are you a federal employee that has been deemed non-essential? Do you have a little too much time on your hands and nothing to do? Is the recent government shutdown to blame?
Here at Vibrators.com we are committed to allowing our customers to find satisfaction. As vibrator enthusiasts, we want everyone to experience the pleasure that a nice vibrator can bring to partners and individuals. Besides, we know you have some free time, why not try something new?
Wow, not to put too fine a point on it. Too much time on your hands? Make use of that free time the second best way possible! I guess they're factoring in significant others who are still employed. I mean, it's not like you can just walk into work and say, "Hey, could I take the day off? My wife/husband/boyfriend has been furloughed and we'd like to spend the day [fill in the blank]." The furloughed federal employee is going to be on their own, and now they have access to the equipment they need to fill those long, lonely hours.
Orgasms for all the fed laydeeez! Sorry guys, I guess this doesn't benefit you. But you know what? You're still making a dollar to our 70 cents, so I think it's a fair trade-off.
So -- are people taking them up on that order? OF COURSE THEY ARE! On their Facebook page, Vibrators.com says they sold out of their 200 daily limit within 20 minutes today. That's how many free vibrators their warehouses can send out a day without affecting paying customers' orders. They'll send out more tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day ... considering there's an estimated 800,000 furloughed employees, and half of them are female, this could take a while.
I guess your strategy is to keep checking back every day around lunchtime to see if you can get yours.
I think some other vibrator companies should step in to help out with the effort. Maybe Congress can't get it together to pass a budget. But I bet the makers of sex toys can cross company lines to bring Americans the pleasure we so rightly deserve. To the pursuit of happiness!
Would you take this offer if you were a furloughed federal employee?
Images via Alexandra Dost/Corbis; Vibrators.com