There are certain things you just never want to see your bus driver do. Smoke crack. Get out and walk away. Take the wrong turn. But this is probably the worst: A New Jersey bus driver was arrested for masturbating while driving. Specifically, he was driving the bus into the Lincoln Tunnel on the way into New York City and according to witnesses decided that would be as good a time as any to slap the ol' salami. A passenger saw and phoned in a complaint.
Now. Most of the time, what you do in your own car is your business. We kind of think of those metal boxes as our own personal space. And if you've ever driven in that NYC tunnel traffic, you know it can move awfully slowly. They were probably at a complete stand-still for much of the time. Might as well multitask, right? Right. Except if you're driving a bus, you're not exactly in your own personal space. And driving into that tunnel may be slow, but it can also be like a carefully-calibrated game of Jenga.
DUDE. How do people do that? Does he spend so much time in that bus that he feels like he's alone? Or is he an exhibitionist? Or just uncivilized? We may never know. I guess we should just be glad he wasn't driving a school bus. Yeah, I had to go there -- sorry. I have a school-aged kid who rides a bus. But that would never happen, right? This was just a freak occurrence -- someone tell me this is incredibly rare, please!
Anyway. The driver has been charged with widespread injury and damage, because even if traffic is going slowly, it's still a dangerous thing to do. I don't have to tell anyone this, do I? Driving a bus full of people is a huge responsibility. The driver could have gotten into an accident. Even without the accident, I think everyone who saw was probably traumatized, though. Then again, maybe this is all a misunderstanding and the poor driver was just spending a long time adjusting himself.
What would you do if you caught your bus driver masturbating?
Image via Joshua Putnam/Flickr