You guys, a Bigfoot sighting! Yes indeed, now that spring is here, it's time to start seeing Bigfoot in the forests of America. Just don't shoot him, okay? Last week a hunter in Pennsylvania called 911 after he spotted and shot what looked like Bigfoot. But he was not able to drag home a Bigfoot trophy carcass that day, thank God. Apparently Sasquatch got away.
Why would you shoot Bigfoot, anyway? Why is that necessary? Jeebus, man.
Anyway, emergency personnel followed the hunter into the forest to the spot of the Bigfoot sighting, but alas, only bear prints could be found. WHICH PROVES NOTHING. I mean, how do we know Bigfoot doesn't have bear-shaped feet? I don't think we know that for sure. We just know his feet are big (hence the name). And bears also have big feet. So ... yeah. Maybe he saw Bigfoot.
Here's what I always wonder, though. Why is Bigfoot always male, and why is there only one, and how in the hell is he still alive after all this time? You would think there might be a little Sasquatch population breeding just enough to keep the species going. But no one ever seems to spot Mama Bigfoot. I think that's a little mysterious.
Just remember, folks. If you happen to see Bigfoot in the forest, do not shoot it (dummy!). Do you really want to be known as the asshole who killed Bigfoot? Pick up your damn camera instead and take a photo. Then post it on the Internet. That is how Bigfoot sightings work.
Do you know anyone who claims to have seen Bigfoot?
Image via Wayne Parrack/Flickr
Pens, pencils, markers, etc.