librarySo this is a random but strangely compelling news item: 20-year-old Tyree S. Carter has been officially banned from every single library on the face of the Earth. Did you even know such a thing was possible?

You may ask -- how does one accomplish such a feat? I shall tell you, and then I hope you’ll agree with me that it’s not just libraries Carter should be banned from. That is not nearly enough banning for this guy.

It appears that Carter is SUCH a lover of books that, while visiting a Wisconsin library the other morning, he allegedly could not keep his enthusiasm in his pants. (How’s that for a euphemism?) According to the criminal complaint, a library worker said Carter was "standing in the open, not trying to conceal the act." So not only was he engaging in "lewd and lascivious behavior" (as it's known), but he wasn't even trying to hide it.

To reiterate: according to reports, this guy decided that a public library, in the morning, was a great place to masturbate. It’s so hard to even fathom the mindset of someone like this, passionate reader though I may be. When the police officer arrived on the scene (lucky officer), Carter reportedly had it back in his pants and his nose in a book. WHAT WAS HE READING? We may never know. Carter reportedly told the officer he was “sorry” and that he’d never done such a thing in public before; the judge was not impressed and made it a part of Carter’s bail that he stay out of all the planet's libraries. If convicted, Carter also faces a year in prison and a fine of up to $11,000 (and I thought I was bad at racking up library fines!).

Two questions: How does this even work -- do librarians across the world circulate a big “86ed” poster with the mugshots of idiots like this guy? AND ... why stop at libraries? Can’t we keep morons like this out of all public places for a while? House arrest until he can learn to keep it in his pants!

Do you think this guy's ban from libraries sounds ample enough?

 

Image via j3net/Flickr