Idiot Boyfriend Fakes His Own Kidnapping to Avoid Facing His Girlfriend

duct tapeI can relate to wanting to avoid unpleasant relationship conversations, but this really takes the cake. Rahmell Pettway, 36 (and therefore old enough to know better), went AWOL from his Brooklyn home for TWO WEEKS -- and then came up with a genius mastermind plan to avoid facing his girlfriend’s wrath: he faked his own kidnapping! Seriously, aren't you wondering why you never come up with these great ideas?

Pettway managed to slap duct tape over his eyes and mouth and get himself hogtied, which I must say is rather impressive if he acted alone, and left himself between two parked cars to be "discovered" at 1 a.m. Thursday. Police who came to the scene were somewhat suspicious when they noticed he still had the roll of duct tape dangling from his wrist, but Pettway ended up at the hospital anyway.

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Pettway tried to tell authorities that he’d been nabbed by mystery men who blindfolded him and hauled him around in a light blue van for two weeks (was it, perhaps, the Mystery Mobile?!), but, amazingly, his story soon unraveled (JUST LIKE THE DUCT TAPE ... GET IT?!). Pettway confessed that he made up the abduction because he was afraid to tell his honey pie the truth.

"He’s a total moron," says a law-enforcement source, who clearly has a gift for the obvious. "It was a pathetic attempt to pull the wool [over] her eyes." Said moron got arrested for reporting a false crime, so now he has even more 'splaining to do when he does get home!

I have so many questions about this, not the least of which is, where WERE you for those two weeks, Mister? No, seriously folks, is breaking up really that hard to do? Is his girlfriend truly a terrifying monster of some sort, or is Pettway just a pathetic slob who would rather stage a crime than man up and have a difficult relationship talk?

Of course, this is a rather extreme case, but it's not so uncommon that people, in misguided efforts to avoid either hurting their significant others or just having the deal with "issues," end up creating even bigger messes and problems. It's also not unheard of for dumb guys to fake their own deaths before proposing marriage! Or better yet, faking plane crashes while popping the question

But still ... can you imagine your guy going missing for two weeks, and then finding out he did something like this?! I guess love -- and guilt -- make us do crazy things, n'est-ce pas?

Have you ever heard of anyone doing something halfway as bizarre to avoid a confrontation at home?

 

Image via striatic/Flickr

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