Great golly horsefeathers, what is in the water in Florida?! This guy sounds like he literally takes a bath in bath salts. Make sure you're sitting down when you read this one, folks. A homeowner called 911 on Monday night after hearing noises on his roof and going to investigate. There, on his roof, was a man. A naked man. The guy then dropped down off the roof and ran into the caller's house. It only gets weirder from here. So, so, sooooo much weirder.
First, the man ran into the guy's house and tore his television screen off the wall and broke it on the floor. That's bizarre enough, right? Naked man jumps off your roof, runs inside, and destroys your TV. But we're just getting started.
The man, identified as 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni, then went for the wet/dry vacuum cleaner. He dumped the contents onto the floor and sucked them up into his mouth. So right now you're beginning to get the sense there's something wrong with this dude, right? You're so smart. But this was nothing.
Now the homeowner's wife ran for her gun. Well, wouldn't you? She fired three shots at Bruni. But she missed. (Bad shot apparently.) You'd think this would be about the time Bruni would high-tail it out of that house. But no. These folks hadn't seen anything yet.
Bruni then allegedly dropped to the floor and began masturbating. Cause what else is there to do at this point, right?
The homeowner's unintentionally hilarious 911 call (sorry, dude) goes a little something like this:
He's lying on my floor. He ran in my f***ing house naked hooting and hollering and tearing s*** up!
But Bruni wasn't finished yet. (No pun intended.) He then ran to the homeowner's son's bedroom and began rubbing his face in articles of clothing that he found. Aww. That's sweet. (Joke.)
At this point, the homeowner grabbed a shotgun. (Yep. Can't blame him there.) He confronted the naked intruder and yelled, "Lay down, mother f***er, lay down!" Surprisingly, the guy did. And he stayed there until cops arrived. But cops had to Taser him because he kept trying to escape.
Police later discovered that Bruni had also defecated inside and outside the house. (This is where the wet/dry vacuum cleaner comes in handy.) Cops say that Bruni was muttering incoherent gibberish when he was arrested. But imagine if he could talk. What a story he'd have!
Police say he's being tested for drugs. Ummm. Good idea.
And how was your Monday?
Image via NBC2