Chip-chip-cheerio! Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, turns 31 today. Happy birthday, old friend who I've stalked on the Internet for years! This year is going to be your best yet, I just know it. And not just because we're kindred spirits this is the year that you and Prince William will welcome an adorable bundle of joy, but because you've got this whole Duchess thing down now. You can sit back a bit, relax, indulge in a cookie biscuit or a chip crisp. As we Americans say: You can do you a little bit more in 2013.
Here are 7 reasons your 31st year of life is going to be your very best yet, Kate Middleton. I'm addressing you personally because one day you will read one of my posts, Duchess. And, in turn, that will be the best year of my life.
7. You're going to have a baby! The obvious one that we needed to get out of the way first.
6. You now know that taking your top off -- even in the shower -- is a no-no when you're a royal. In a world where helicopters can hover mere feet over Osama bin Laden's compound without anyone hearing them, odds are there's technology to zoom in on your tatas and take a photo -- wherever you are.
5. You've already gotten your first speaking engagement out of the way. And it was glorious.
4. You cut bangs! And while they look cute, your 31st year will probably be the year of "growing out your bangs." That's always, um, fun, right?
3. Your puppy is probably housebroken by now.
2. You're reportedly spending this birthday "privately" with this guy. I would like that too, please.
1. It's been a while now. The fact that, someday, you're going to be the g.d. Queen of England has probably sunk in by now. And that's gotta feel damn good.
Happy birthday, Kate! We love you. (No, really, we do.)
What was your favorite year so far?
Image via Chris Jackson/Getty