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Inmates Sue Wine & Beer Companies for Turning Them Into Drunk Criminals

by Jenny Erikson on January 8, 2013 at 5:33 PM

Five inmates at the Idaho Correctional Institution have filed a civil lawsuit against beer and wine companies for one billion dollars. The convicts claim that the companies did not sufficiently warn them about the addictive nature of alcohol.

Please note: this is not a parody, it is nowhere near April 1, and The Onion had nothing to do with this news story. There is no word on whether the prisoners are considering suing the vineyards that produced the wine, or even Mother Nature for creating the natural process of fermentation.

The crimes of the five men range from voluntary manslaughter, grand theft, and drug conviction, and according to the self-drafted legislation, alcohol has “played a major role” in most of the situations that landed them in jail. Keith Allen Brown, a 52-year-old that has spent almost 30 years of his life behind bars, filed the suit on December 10, but the group has not yet hired an attorney.

Seriously ... what is wrong with people? The beer made them do it? No. Just no. While one presumes that alcohol played a role somewhere in the mix of their crimes, it did not make anyone decide to steal a car.

Can you imagine what an insane world we’d live in if alcohol turned people into criminals? We’d have cause for prohibition if that were the case -- rampant crimes, prisons overflowing, courts overwhelmed, etc. Not to mention the cops that might have a beer after work to relax -- we’d never be able to trust law enforcement again!

There is nothing inherently wrong with alcohol. Consumed responsibly, it’s a great way to relax after a long day, or get a little bit silly and have fun with friends. It does not cause anyone to commit crimes. Everyone is responsible for their own actions, no matter how drunk they are.

It seems like the convicts are just trying to pass the buck for their bad behavior.

Do you think these guys have a case?

 

Image via iTopher/Flickr

Filed Under: crime, discrimination, in the news, law

Comments

4
  • Doomy234
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    Doomy234

    January 8, 2013 at 5:47 PM
    Good Lord. If I was the judge recieving this case, I would roll my eyes and throw the case file over my shoulder. Then I would dismiss them for turning my courtroom into a laughing stock. But I am not a judge, so I will just say "no way Jose. That case does not hold any water." No one made you drink that alcohol, the alcohol didnt make you commit your crimes. And if you're too stupid to know the consequences of drinking alcohol then you dont need to be drinking it. How dumb do they think we are? Didnt know. Didnt know, my ass. Case dismissed.
  • Momme...
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    MommeeTo4

    January 8, 2013 at 5:55 PM
    The only case they have, is a case of beer
  • Pinkmani
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    Pinkmani

    January 8, 2013 at 6:37 PM

    Sue the drug dealer! Sue their family and friends for not getting them help! Sue Congress for making alcohol legal again. 


  • The Wife
    -- Nonmember comment from

    The Wife

    January 8, 2013 at 7:53 PM
    Lol! It was only a matter of time before someone took the "cigarette companies gave me cancer" argument and applied it to alcohol.
    I'm not a lawyer but I have a feeling they will try the following cause>effect pattern:
    (Poverty causes stress>stress increases risk of alcoholism>alcohol impairs judgement) + (advertising influences behavior>beer&wine cos spend more ad $$$ in poor neighborhoods) = beer & wine cos made me drink to much > impaired my judgement > caused crime.
    SMH.
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