Five inmates at the Idaho Correctional Institution have filed a civil lawsuit against beer and wine companies for one billion dollars. The convicts claim that the companies did not sufficiently warn them about the addictive nature of alcohol.

Please note: this is not a parody, it is nowhere near April 1, and The Onion had nothing to do with this news story. There is no word on whether the prisoners are considering suing the vineyards that produced the wine, or even Mother Nature for creating the natural process of fermentation.

The crimes of the five men range from voluntary manslaughter, grand theft, and drug conviction, and according to the self-drafted legislation, alcohol has “played a major role” in most of the situations that landed them in jail. Keith Allen Brown, a 52-year-old that has spent almost 30 years of his life behind bars, filed the suit on December 10, but the group has not yet hired an attorney.

Seriously ... what is wrong with people? The beer made them do it? No. Just no. While one presumes that alcohol played a role somewhere in the mix of their crimes, it did not make anyone decide to steal a car.

Can you imagine what an insane world we’d live in if alcohol turned people into criminals? We’d have cause for prohibition if that were the case -- rampant crimes, prisons overflowing, courts overwhelmed, etc. Not to mention the cops that might have a beer after work to relax -- we’d never be able to trust law enforcement again!

There is nothing inherently wrong with alcohol. Consumed responsibly, it’s a great way to relax after a long day, or get a little bit silly and have fun with friends. It does not cause anyone to commit crimes. Everyone is responsible for their own actions, no matter how drunk they are.

It seems like the convicts are just trying to pass the buck for their bad behavior.

Do you think these guys have a case?

 

Image via iTopher/Flickr