santaLook, if you're gonna be a mall Santa during the holidays, you really don't need to know much. Except this: Be nice. Overall, the gig sounds pretty cush. You get to sit down your entire shift. You don't need to worry about what you look like, because you have a giant beard and cap covering your face. And you get to hang out with adorable kids all day while you pretend to have the power to grant their every wish. It's pretty straightforward. I doubt there are any "surprises" after you get hired. Like, "Oh, and by the way, you must eat a box of hair every day at noon." You get what you see. So, why would you take the job if you couldn't suppress your inner Scrooge for five jolly minutes?

A mall Santa in Maine was fired recently after the complaints reportedly kept rolling in regarding him. Reports are claiming that parents and children complained to ... whomever you complain to about Santa (God?) that this particular Santa was rude, grumpy, wouldn't let one kid sit on his lap, and promised one girl an American football after she asked for an American Girl doll.

WTF, Santa? If this is true, why so rude? The one requirement of your job is to be jolly. If you can't do that, well, House of Popcorn is around the corner, and I believe that would be a better fit. Have you seen the heavily-eyelined teen with the nose ring and perma-scowl? She'd be your boss.

Anyway, the mall is reportedly looking for (or has found?) a replacement Santa. Hopefully, the girl who was promised the American football can go back and have a nice little tete-a-tete with a real Santa. A Santa who won't crush her dreams at the tender age of 6.

Did you ever have a weird mall Santa experience?

 

Image via kevin dooley/Flickr