Mitt Romney Eats Boston Market for Thanksgiving Because Oh Who Cares Anymore

Heartbreaking 20

romneyHave you seen this man? He may be riding his bike through your neighborhood right now. Or pumping gas at your local station. Or haunting the aisles of your local CVS. Or buying Thanksgiving dinner at Boston Market. He's Mitt Romney. And he lost the election.

His hair is messier now. He seems a little lost. He's been seen screaming his head off at Disneyland. And if help doesn't come soon Romney may be faced with the awful condition that afflicts too many failed presidential candidates: Goredom. Yes, Goredom: The shock of losing coupled with utter boredom with your post-campaign life.

What do you do after Karl Rove tells you you can't lose but you lose anyway? Romney had no plan B, and this is what life looks like if you have no plan B. And also if you're incredibly wealthy. But mostly the no plan B part. Romney joins the likes of Al Gore, great men who love winning, who never saw their defeat coming, and who don't know what's next.

Like Gore, Romney has no political office to return to, no businesses to run, no important positions that demand his attention. He's not interested in re-entering politics, even to help the Republican party re-brand itself. Friends say he spends his days quietly in introspection, tooling around La Jolla on his bike and grabbing Ann from behind for desperate, needy bear hugs.

Ann hates those needy bear hugs. But she probably needs them. According to friend, Ann truly believed her next home would be the White House, and she cries all the time. She was too depressed to cook Thanksgiving dinner! Who is there for Ann Romney? Besides that big mopey guy who's been wearing that same blue t-shirt for a week now and who broke down sobbing while giving the Thanksgiving dinner blessing. Ugh. Ann has been spending a lot of time with the horses.

It's an inconvenient truth: Romney feels like a loser and has nothing to do all day, two conditions that are totally unfamiliar to him. And there's no support network for the new-to-losing. That's why we're asking you today to give what you can to the Goredom Foundation. Because no one wants to see Mittens grow a beard and put on weight.

What do you think Mitt Romney will do with his life after he recovers?


Image via Facebook

2012 election, in the news, mitt romney


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

mustb... mustbeGRACE

My goodness.

Cafemom and their liberal Stir bloggers.

They want to be "gored" like Romney.

He's only worth 300 million dollars compared to their, what, almost nothin'?

Yeah, his life sucks.

And so does their Mr. Obama.


You know I'm getting sick and tired of your post election raspberries toward Romney.It's old already and does nothing but get people upset that he didn't win.And Anne was so upset that she couldn't make dinner? Because I read that there was way too much going on with grand kids running around and such. I would have ordered out too. And besides I think he can afford it.Oh,by the way I'm a dem. so don't think Its only reps. calling you out for all your Mitt lost stories

iicar... iicarmerin

I'm Liberal but thi article is really mean spirited. Leave the guy alone. He can do whatever he wants, however he wants, whenever he wants, and he has 300M to do so.He is no longer accountable to the voters, only to

his family. It's no longer our business.

Todd Vrancic

Hey, Stir, did anyone tell you guys that the election is over?  I'm sick of this and I'm a liberal.

randh... randhferedinos

I love the photo of Mitt and Ann! They look happy.

nonmember avatar Sully

This is mean. Not "funny, ha ha" snarky but "I'm not a kind person" mean. Stick with writing recaps of tv shows, because this kind of post reflects poorly on you as a human being and mother.

wamom223 wamom223

You couldn't write a blog about how great the fiscal cliff talk is going so you wrote this?  What other reason could you have to write this drivel other than to distract the liberal base from the fact that Obama is lying to them again?  Since you wont tell them I will.  The debate has stalled because the President asked for over $200 billion in more spending without any cuts.  He wants the Republicans to release a more specific plan and they have-its called a budget and they have done them over the last two years when the liberal Senate has not.  If he would take the time to read the Republican budget he would already know where the revenue is coming from.  To you liberals that voted for Obama-I am really sorry that your President is still campaigning rather than doing his job and that is why the Stir keeps writing blogs about Romney (a man that lost the election almost a month ago) rather than tell you what the President is doing.

ethan... ethans_momma06

"grabbing Ann from behind for desperate, needy bear hugs"

Stuff like that quote (and the fact that you even put it in bold lettering) just really... suck.

Believe me when I say that we ALL know, we all GET IT- you don't like the guy. If you don't like him so much- why right an article like this on it?

Would it be SO HARD for you to do a similar article about what he's up to now- even just as fluffy- without jabbing at him?

Procr... Procrastamom

How can he quietly fade away when you Stir writers bring him up daily? You know you need to give it a rest when even the Liberals don't want to talk about it anymore!

bills... billsfan1104

I would like to know the reason why you are so hateful? Why are you taking an innocent picture and making it hateful? I think I know the reason why. Because you guys are beginning to regret your vote at theStir. Your man won, now deal with it.

1-10 of 20 comments 12 Last