New Zealand Legalizes Nude Jogging but America, Please Keep Your Clothes On!

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Nude joggingThere are many frights a woman can encounter while she’s out on a jog, but few as visually assaulting as potentially bumping into another person running buck booty naked just a few feet away. Things move, you know, and flap and jiggle and jostle about. Yikes.

But that horror is a potential reality for residents of the Netherlands, where just any ol’ body can peel out of a T-shirt and sweats and run completely unclothed. A judge has OKed an appeal by a man who is a self-described “naturist,” legally giving citizens the green light to leave their clothes at home and do their daily road work completely nude.

"If it was [offensive] then God wouldn't have given us genitals," said Andrew Lyall Pointon, the one-man catalyst behind the whole run-in-the-buff movement. "It is a win for all libertarians and a setback for all conservatives in the country." 

Last year, he was on one such jog when a passerby, apparently blindsided and bewildered by his penile terrorism, called police and filed a complaint. He was arrested during the course of one of his clothing-less runs and found guilty of offensive behavior, which has since been overturned with his appeal. The presiding judge sees nothing wrong with it so long as Pointon—and anyone else wanting to streak through the countryside—stays off the trails when children are likely to be using them and (eh-hem) exercises some semblance of modesty, as much as you can when your Smith & Wesson is dangling in full view.

Please, please, please, oh dear American lawmakers, do not ever, ever, never let this become a reality here in the U.S. There have been times when I thought I couldn’t operate under certain laws, even whole administrations, but I know—for sure—that the possibility of running into widespread, unclothed anarchy would make me an ex-patriot. For sure. Thankfully, given that Erykah Badu was fined for publicly stripping down in the making of her “Window Seat” video back in 2010, I think we’re still erring on the side of conservatism. That means Pointon and his flashy man parts won’t be moving over here any time soon.

It stands to reason that individuals taking the time and exerting the energy to get their daily exercise care about their bodies and their health. That does not guarantee, however, that said physiques need to be on full display in any state of undress. In the fantasies of my mind, we’d be encountering the Ryan Goslings and the Idris Elbas and the cute guy from apartment 3C types. I mean, it might be a little surprising at first, but nonetheless pleasant.

But that arc of permission also hangs over Freakishly Hairy Guy, Hasn’t Done a Crunch Since the Late 90s Gal, and me. And Lord knows I don’t even wear spandex pants without a long shirt, much less think about accosting innocent bystanders with what I’ve got going on. That Hostess meltdown put me in a Twinkie and Suzy Q-gorging tailspin that has left my waistline pretty ill-affected. All in all, it’s just a bad idea. For everyone. Let’s just all keep our clothes on, hmm? Run free, but not that free.

Would you, could you, should you ever jog naked? Anywhere?


Image via pescatello/Flickr

crime, censorship, in the news, politics, protests

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Michael Connolly

Typical sterotypical inscure rant!... get over yourself! PS: it was New Zealand not Netherlands as per your hyperlink in teh article LOL

"But that horror is a potential reality for residents of the Netherlands"

Mark A. Cecil

Very funny artical. Oh course we americans would be far better off if we could jog nude. Just think of the saved water from not having to wash sweaty cloths. Your skin is a organ that needs to be able to breath. Except during the winter we are doing more harm thn good wearing cloths. I say be proud of who you are because the person you are inside is far more important then the person your cloths show you to be.

EarthLion Waratah

Nothing wrong with a bit of natural cottonless living. I personally have never been in to running but I once did ride bicycles a lot but never naked as I found it rather uncomfortable. Skinny dipping though, that is the life.

Grahame Inman

So much for the validity of the author when they can't tell the difference between New Zealand and the Netherlands, a hemasphere apart, much the same as her speel and reality.

Jim Boss

Grahame Inman was correct:  New Zealand and the Netherlands are definitely two different countries quite a ways apart from one another.  I do, however, think it is funny that he chose to lambast the author while himself misspelling the word "hemisphere" and "Spiel."  What goes around comes around bro.  Still, this doesn't compare at all to most of the shoddy journalism going around these days.  If you want typos and geographically-challenged articles, just log onto CNN.com or any other "reputable" news source.

Amber Nowlin

The author is brainwashed by our hyper sexual societal views shoved down our throats .Hats off to those who challenge those ideas and uhmhm ,Shed there there clothes for a jog .. Body's are just like faces .. some are beautiful ,some aren't so much . So why we don't require the guy with warts and severe burns on his face and a thick roll of fat beneath his chin to wear a mask?

nonmember avatar kathy

To those of you men who think it safe to jog in the nude, please let me know in a few years if your testes are hanging to your knees. As for myself, I can't run in the nude becuz, being post menopausal, I keep giving myself black eyes.

nonmember avatar Theo Theunissen

No,no, mister Inman was definitely right with his Netherlands and the hemasphere! Hema is big business in the Netherlands. Find www.hema.nl
B.t.w. there's not many of us running around naked, apart from on the beaches. We don't even get more than 40 people on bikes for the WNBR in Amsterdam. Partly due to the weather, partly because of multi-interpretable laws, but most of all, i think, because we don't know what our neighbours would think of it.

nonmember avatar King Crimson

To the author: get over yourself, you are sexist, godless and shallow. What word in the sentence "If it was [offensive] then God wouldn't have given us genitals" didn't you understand? Maybe you should really emigrate, preferably to some Muslim country, should be real paradise for you. DOWN WITH THE BIGOTS, for they are the greatest offenders of God!

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