Any normal, empathetic person reads a story like the one about the nanny suspected of killing two beautiful children, Lucia, 6, and little Leo, 2, on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and cries in pain for the mom. But then there are Internet commenters. What they say will make you want to scream.
Sometimes the world can be a vicious place, and this is never more evident than in the online world. Two children are dead, their mom, a blogger (also described as a pediatrician and an art teacher according to the media) named Marina Krim, whose entire life CLEARLY revolved around her kids, was hospitalized in shock after finding them bloody in the bathtub. The best thing some online commenters can say is: "I am so glad I was able to stay home with my kids."
First of all, the nanny is only SUSPECTED. She has not been found guilty. But also, people are sick. They are twisted. This is too much. It has to stop.
This was a family who had plenty of money and three children. From what I can gather, there was a nanny, but the mother was using the nanny to allow her to get individual time with the kids. This is the reason a third child, Nessie, who is 3, was at swim lessons with her mom while the other two were killed.
More from The Stir: Nanny Accused of Killing Kids Makes Moms Feel Guilty for Needing Help
But also, it's none of my business (or yours) WHY she used a nanny. They clearly had the means to enjoy a lovely life where she had childcare help. This makes her a good mom, not a bad one. She knows the kids benefit more from a less harried mom. But still, I shouldn't have to defend her.
It's disgusting that anyone believes a comment like "this is why I stayed home with my kids" is helpful. Two beautiful children had their life snuffed out while their mother was at swim practice with their sister.
Just last June Krim describes Nessie getting her fingers stuck on an elevator as "One of my more awful mommy experiences!!!!" This was a woman who adored her children. Clearly. Whether she hired help or not.
Did a little girl deserve to lose her siblings because the family had a nanny? Or did this mother deserve to lose her beloved children because she hired help? Because it sure sounds like people think that.
Typically, it's easy to ignore online commenters because most of the time, those who comment anonymously over and over have too much time on their hands and loads of incredibly mean, incredibly unhelpful things to say that spring from their own lack of self-worth. But this is too much.
This story is horrific, a tragedy beyond all comprehension, and the best some people can say is: "I am a better mom than her." Gross. Vile. Repugnant. And by the way: Totally wrong, too. Having a nanny doesn't make a person a bad mom. Being a vicious, judgemental, mean person? Just might.
Would it make it any better if I said the nanny -- Yoselyn Ortega -- was a family friend whose family the Krim family visited in the Dominican Republic as recently as February? The fact is, no amount of vigilance on the part of a parent could stop this act. We are all powerless. Yes, even those of us who think we are better parents. So, let's stop judging and let's start grieving.
This tragedy is one of the worst I've ever heard of. Being judgemental only makes it worse.
Have you seen some of these awful comments?
Image via CarbonNYC/Flickr