You hear about one beaver attack this summer and think, wow, how random and scary. You hear about a second one and think, it's happening. Nature is finally turning on humankind and I am joining the Boy Scouts because those dudes obviously know exactly what to do in that situation. One Boy Scout leader recently kicked some major beaver ass while swimming in a lake with his troop and I have a newfound respect for those dudes. And here I thought all they did was tie knots and race funny looking wooden cars.
The Boy Scouts are pretty underrated these days. I'm sure I'm not the only one who had the perception about tying knots. Not to mention all the bad press they've received about their position on homosexuality and all.
All that aside, this recent incident has me reconsidering signing my son up, especially if he had a scout leader like Normand Brousseau as a role model. Brousseau was swimming with his troop in the Delaware River, hanging onto a noodle float, when this crazy beaver, who turned out to have rabies, came at him.
“It came through my legs and attached itself to my chest,” he said. “I thought it was a giant carp fish.”
Holy. I think I would pass out and let the thing eat me right then and there. Those teeth look like vice grips, they cut down trees for goodness' sake. Imagine what they must feel like embedded in your skin! But Rambo Brousseau just grabbed the thing from his chest and threw it away ... only for it to swim back and bite him in the butt and arms. Then Brousseau grabbed it by its lower jaw, held it at length while he summoned his equally bad-ass, fearless boys to help him to shore, somehow managing to toss the beaver to land again, and get to safety. Holy.
He's had to endure like a zillion rabies shots, and is pretty sore, of course, but I'm sure that's like getting a splinter to this guy. How in awe of his bravery am I. What a lesson he gave to his troop and how incredible that all his boys rallied to help him in this dire situation.
The two major morals of this story are, just don't swim in rivers anymore and do not mess with the Boy Scouts. Semper Fi. Or something.
How would you have reacted if a beaver suddenly "attached itself to your chest" while swimming (yes, double entendre duly noted)?
Image via Enokson/Flickr