Airport Security Makes Really, Really LARGE Mistake About Man's 'Package'

OMG 14

airport securityWe'll all heard more than our share of Sh*t TSA Guards Freak Out About, but this latest tale -- this one is a goooood one. I promise. No "suspicious-looking" grandma having her wheelchair disassembled for no reason, no 3-year-old with a broken arms getting his cast poked and prodded in search of a non-existent bomb. On this episode of Oops! The TSA Did It Again, the falsely-accused passenger walks away with a damn good story and doesn't even miss his flight! Airport security, on the other hand ... well, they're never gonna live this down. Never. Not ever never ever.

If only they'd believed Jonah Falcon when he told them his pockets were empty.

See, Falcon claims to have the world's largest penis on record. (Ranging in size from 9 to 13.5 inches, depending on mood, if you really want to know.) So he wasn't all that shocked when the guard asked about his pockets. What happened next, however, was definitely a surprise.

Of course a walk through the metal detector didn't show anything. Neither did the X-ray body scan. Finally one guard asked Falcon if he had "some sort of growth," at which point a rather frustrated Falcon came out and told everybody exactly what "sort of growth" he was packing in those pants.

But security still didn't back off! Instead, one agent gave Falcon a very, very, thorough "pat down," making sure to "go around [my penis] with his hands. They even put some powder on my pants, probably a test for explosives. I found it amusing."

See what I meant about a good story?! I doubt this guy needs to use pick-up lines, but can you imagine hearing such a saga from some guy at a bar? "So, you like fireworks, sweetheart?"

I can't say I blame Falcon for wanting to wear "bike shorts" whenever he travels from now on. Although considering what happened to the cleavage lady on the airplane, maybe he should just take road trips instead.

Are you surprised airport security guards made this BIG blunder?


Image via Mats Linander/Flickr

airplanes, in the news, travel


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Lucre... LucretiaMcEvil

He should go see a weinerologist about that thing. Just looking at the guy, I'm guessing his weiner is that long from jacking off for most of his life. Either that, or his weiner is sick. His junk doesn't impress me, it just grosses me out.

nonmember avatar American Expat

Haha dude now every woman in America wants you!

easun... easunshine

I saw him on a documentary once. He actually has a difficult time socially because of this. It made me sad for him.

DebaLa DebaLa

Well, what 3 very different takes on this !  ^^^

Haha, Lucretia, you almost made me choke!

firee... fireeyes81

Wow, that isn't an invasion of privacy at all...  Not only does the man get groped, but now his penis size is blasted for all of the world to read about.  Not cool.

nonmember avatar Guest

I sure miss the Bill of Rights...

Nunya... Nunyabusiness

Where was this? If it was in New Jersey last Tuesday then I was there! LOL There was a huge hold up in security for anyone coming and going because there was an issue.

nonmember avatar Andrea

Something similar happened to my cousin. As far as I know, he's a normal size, but TSA kept asking him to empty his pockets. He turned them inside out and said they're empty. They pointed to his groin and said, "Then what's that?" He said, "everything there is attached to my body." Luckily they let him go.

nonmember avatar American Expat

He's already told the world about his schlong years ago, so it wasn't exactly a secret.

I think the funniest part of this story were on other sites where half the male commenters were boasting they had bigger dicks than Falcon. Like really? Boasting about your size on the internet lol? Sad!

Todd Vrancic

American Expat, I know.  But then again class seems to be a commodity in very short supply.

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