We'll all heard more than our share of Sh*t TSA Guards Freak Out About, but this latest tale -- this one is a goooood one. I promise. No "suspicious-looking" grandma having her wheelchair disassembled for no reason, no 3-year-old with a broken arms getting his cast poked and prodded in search of a non-existent bomb. On this episode of Oops! The TSA Did It Again, the falsely-accused passenger walks away with a damn good story and doesn't even miss his flight! Airport security, on the other hand ... well, they're never gonna live this down. Never. Not ever never ever.
If only they'd believed Jonah Falcon when he told them his pockets were empty.
See, Falcon claims to have the world's largest penis on record. (Ranging in size from 9 to 13.5 inches, depending on mood, if you really want to know.) So he wasn't all that shocked when the guard asked about his pockets. What happened next, however, was definitely a surprise.
Of course a walk through the metal detector didn't show anything. Neither did the X-ray body scan. Finally one guard asked Falcon if he had "some sort of growth," at which point a rather frustrated Falcon came out and told everybody exactly what "sort of growth" he was packing in those pants.
But security still didn't back off! Instead, one agent gave Falcon a very, very, thorough "pat down," making sure to "go around [my penis] with his hands. They even put some powder on my pants, probably a test for explosives. I found it amusing."
See what I meant about a good story?! I doubt this guy needs to use pick-up lines, but can you imagine hearing such a saga from some guy at a bar? "So, you like fireworks, sweetheart?"
I can't say I blame Falcon for wanting to wear "bike shorts" whenever he travels from now on. Although considering what happened to the cleavage lady on the airplane, maybe he should just take road trips instead.
Are you surprised airport security guards made this BIG blunder?
Image via Mats Linander/Flickr