If somebody put a gun to my head and forced me to pick one absolute favorite candy in the whole wide world, it would probably be Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. (I really like candy, so it would be super tough to narrow it down.) So part of me totally empathizes with the "Reese's Cup Bandit" a Lorain, Ohio thief who has apparently snatched approximately $600 worth of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups from a Sunoco gas station in the past several months. (Also, on Tuesday at 1 a.m. he stole a bag of chips to go with his peanut butter cups. Dinner AND dessert!)
Sunoco employees describe the thief as a young man, probably around 18 years of age, who dresses all in black and usually strikes after midnight. Oh, and apparently he's a non-violent sort of criminal: When a clerk tried to block his way into the store, the thief simply spun the clerk around, grabbed his snacks, and bailed.
Police have yet to identify the bandit, but honestly, I don't know why they'd even bother. All this guy wants is peanut butter cups! What are they gonna do, put him in jail?!
Look, I'm not saying it's okay to steal or that the alleged candyman shouldn't have to face some sort of consequences. But let's put this in perspective: He's not busting in with a box cutter and raiding the cash register. He's not stealing ... um ... well, I don't know. Is anything valuable sold in gas stations besides the actual fuel? Hmm, they still sell bath salts at some gas stations, right?
As long as we're on the topic of bath salts, let's just go ahead and compare the Peanut Butter Cup Bandit's "crime" with the recent unlawful acts committed by people under the influence of the "designer" drug. Let's just go ahead and compare stealing candy with eating somebody's face off, or dressing up in lingerie and killing a pygmy goat, or eating somebody else's face off, or stabbing a priest, or attacking your 3-year-old.
I really, really don't think the peanut butter cup guy is someone to worry about. Why not just leave an open case of the candy outside the gas station with a sign: "Free Reese's here! All for you! You don't even gotta come inside!!"
What would you do for a Klondike bar Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?
Image via kpr11