Another day, another crazy bath salts related story to freak everybody out. Seriously -- the zombie face-eating attack, horrible and tragic though it was, has been just one of many bizarre crimes committed by people high as kites on the hot new "designer drug," as it's been called. (Though can I just say, what an odd name for a cocktail of cocktails so random and destructive it makes meth look classy by comparison.)
"Shocking" doesn't begin to describe these displays of substance-induced psychosis. Scary, terrible, outrageous ... really, none of these words even come close. Clearly we need to invent a new word for this level of ... of ... (imagine sound of shrieking here).
Anyway, you've most likely heard everything you never wanted to know about the aforementioned face-eating zombie attack. But have you heard about these completely insane "brought to you by bath salts" moments?
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1. The 19-year-old dude who dressed up in a bra and underwear and killed his neighbor's goat. Yup. And did I mention cops found a porno mag on the floor near the dead goat's body?
2. The guy who broke into a house, then ditched his car on the interstate and ran because he thought the vehicle was "melting and electricity was following him." According to cops.
3. The guy who broke into a monastery and attacked a sleeping priest with a knife and a wooden mallet. (Hmm, wonder if he was ever an altar boy.)
4. The 48-year-old woman who attacked her mother with a machete. The details speak for themselves: "Panama City Beach police said Pamela Suzanne Higgins came into her mother’s room in the condo they share on Front Beach Road at about 2:30 p.m., swinging the machete, and said, 'You ain’t dead yet?'"
5. The dude who called police to report 30 "intruders" in his house ... who "were trying to make it seem like they were not there, and they would try to blend into their surroundings, like chairs and trees.” So that's why cops couldn't see them! They did, however, use a Taser on the dude who could, apparently, see them.
What's the craziest bath salts story you've heard?
Image via Benny Mazur/Flickr