Welcome, zombie apocalypse!
We've been expecting you! Seriously, nobody panic or anything, but I'm pretty sure everybody's favorite doomsday prophecy is unfolding before our very eyes, and it ain't pretty. Zombies!! I just don't know how else to explain the HORRIFIC naked face-eating cannibal incident in Miami or the guy in New Jersey who stabbed himself and threw his intestines at the cops (yes, that really happened. This week.). Clearly some really bad sh*t is going down, people. Kinda makes that "Zombie Preparedness" guide the CDC posted last year eerily relevant, doesn't it?
Speaking of which ...
Let's say, for argument's sake, that zombies really are a-comin' to gitcha. As Rick told Herschel on The Walking Dead, "The world out there isn't what you saw on T.V. It is much, much worse and it changes you." Okay, as long as it doesn't change me into a zombie.
I don't want to be a zombie, do you want to be a zombie? Here's what we're gonna need to do avoid getting zombiefied:
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1. Start stockpiling. Canned goods, obviously, but just think of all the other stuff you'll miss when supplies get low -- stuff like Advil and Kleenex and Band-Aids and matches and, for the love of god, gasoline! So you can drive away from zombies!! Or set them on fire, or whatever. Oh, and lots of caffeine-containing products. Because you're never going to sleep again, basically. Might be nice to have a good moisturizer on hand, as well, you know? Cause just cause there's zombies doesn't mean you have to get all wrinkly.
2. Get a whole bunch of guns. Obviously. (Don't forget ammo.)
3. Learn how to fish and hunt and stuff. Also maybe how to sew. And some basic surgical skills might be a good idea. Dentistry, too. (Add Novocaine to the list of supplies.)
4. Learn how to amuse yourself. Buh-bye, electricity! Hello ... um, books? Paint-by-numbers?
Do you think the zombie apocalypse is here at last?