Female Secret Service Agents Have the Moral Superiority to Keep Our President Safer

As the prostitute scandal continues to rock the Secret Service, one thought has been running around my brain like a mouthy schoolgirl: Why aren't there more (or any?!) female Secret Service agents? The reason there should be more is simple: Women don’t get into trouble the way men do. And a recent study says why: Because women are more moral, especially when it comes to how they behave on the job.

Seriously, can you imagine a bunch of Secret Service gals going on a trip to Colombia, where they are scheduled to secure the environment for their boss, who happens to be, oh, the most powerful man in the world, and then hiring a bunch of call guys? Even if they did hire a bunch of call guys -- which they wouldn't -- you know the girls would pay up and not try to stiff the call boys of $47.


Could you imagine a bunch of Secret Service women even partying in the hotel in Colombia, where they were supposed to be, oh, working? Not a chance. When women are supposed to be doing a job, they do the damn job.

And don't tell me that women couldn't protect the POTUS the way a man could. Women can wield a gun. Women can mutter into those little ear pieces. Women can certainly wear sunglasses. And women will actually know if there's a threat around because they won't be busy haggling with a prossie.

The philosopher who invented the “Moral DNA” test, which evaluates morality, says:

Women prefer to make their decisions based on how it impacts others -- which tends to produce better decisions -- while men have a more individual approach and are more self-interested.

Well, duh. What do former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, Senator David Vitter, Bill Clinton strategist Dick Morris, and former IMF managing director Dominique Strauss-Kahn all have in common? Yep, prossies. But more than that, they’re all men! See what I’m saying?

Adds the philosopher:

Men have to grow up, put their ego to one side and show some humility and compassion -- qualities they all too often have in their personal lives but put to one side when they walk into the office.

Or ... women could take over all the really important positions in this world. Problem solved!

Do you think female Secret Service agents would make the president safer?


Image via Kat Gloor/Flickr

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