Slimy Tucker Max & Planned Parenthood Don't Belong in Bed Together

Rant 10

Tucker MaxMisogynist extraordinaire Tucker Max has a problem. He's trying to backpedal his way out of a quagmire of his own making with Planned Parenthood. But he keeps tripping over "fat chicks" he's mocked and the thousands of women he's screwed, and screwed over, in recent years.

See, according to a Forbes article that Max himself has termed "the most factually accurate article about this," the author of such classy tomes as I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell was going to get slammed with some serious taxes if he didn't give money to charity. So when article author and Max's PR strategist Ryan Holiday suggested he donate $500,000 to Planned Parenthood, he was all "hell yeah."

But then Planned Parenthood shot him down cold, ostensibly because they don't approve of a guy who wrote the book on degrading women. No, wait, wrote several of the books on how to be a complete creep to womankind (one friend likened reading Beer to the feeling you have after eating six donuts. In a row). And now Max wants us to believe that he was just trying to be such a goshdarned nice guy and give this money out of the goodness of his heart.

As he says in a blog post yesterday:

This was not about my image: Some people have tried to say this about me “rehabbing my image” by using PP. That’s comical bullshit.

Which would be a lot easier to believe if, in the same exact blog post, Max had not linked to Holiday's aforementioned Forbes article and (again, Max said this not me) referred to it as "factually accurate." Because in that article, Holiday had this to say as he slammed Planned Parenthood (emphasis ours):

As a marketer, it was one of the stupidest and most depressing things I’ve ever seen. This would have been a win-win-win-win situation. Cut a check, keep a clinic open. Rehabilitate some of Tucker’s PR. Reduce a tax burden. Encourage other donors. And most importantly: Help women keep access to vital reproductive services.

What? What's that? Can we get a look back at those words? Did someone say Planned Parenthood could "rehabilitate some of Tucker's PR" if they took his money? Why yes! Yes they did! And since Max himself says that's accurate, well gosh darnit, it looks like he was looking to rehab his image after all. Comical bullshit indeed.

Now here's something really comical. Max is still trying to say this would help out Planned Parenthood:

I offered real money that PP could really use, there was no ruse or stunt involved. I’ve been pro-choice my whole like, I used the services of PP when I was poor and got help from them, I believe in their mission and I believe in universal access to family planning services. I’ve ALWAYS believed in those principles, and this was a sincere attempt to cut Planned Parenthood real check.

For a guy who is all about helping them there folks at Planned Parenthood so much, he doesn't seem to give two craps about what a donation from a guy like him would actually do the organization. Sure, it might keep a clinic open.

But then again, coming off the recent tangling with the Susan G. Komen Foundation, which lost a lot of donors when it pulled funding for mammography, folks at Planned Parenthood are highly aware that one decision can set off a tidal wave. Taking Tucker's money means being yoked to his misogynist image, which means potentially losing the many, many, many (you know what, just imagine 100 more manys in there) donors who find his base treatment of women reprehensible.

Not to mention Planned Parenthood has worked hard to establish that abortions provided by some of its clinics are important, sometimes life-saving services for women. Tying itself to Max, who has had a major motion picture made about his promiscuity, means playing right into the hands of evangelical Republicans who have tried to brand the organization as a place that uses abortions as birth control for frivolous sluts.

Planned Parenthood may have had to close to a Texas clinic because it didn't take Tucker Max's dirty money. But turn off the fountain of money from loyal donors, further enrage the far right, and they could be faced with closing dozens. If he cared about the organization and not his image, Max wouldn't be backpedaling right this second.

Put yourself in Planned Parenthood's shoes: what would you do?

 

Image via Getty Images/Toby Canham

abortion, feminism, planned parenthood