Penguin on the loose! A 1-year-old Humboldt penguin made a Houdini-like escape from his zoo in Tokyo over the weekend, scaling a sheer rock wall over twice its height and swimming at a "tremendous speed" downriver toward Tokyo Bay, where he's been spotted splashing about in a self-satisfied, "just call me Free Bird" kind of way.
The zoo people are doing their best to catch the feathered fugitive, but in the meantime, they're still not sure how he managed to make it over the wall ... especially considering penguins can't fly. One theory: Something scared the creature, causing him to have a burst of what's called "explosive" power and run up the rock like a superhero.
But what gave the little guy such a fright? I have a few ideas ...
1. He heard Kirk Cameron was on his way to stage a "Gay Penguin Protest." Thanks to famous same-sex penguin couples like Roy and Silo at the Central Park Zoo, Buddy and Pedro of Toronto, and "Adam" and "Steve" in China, the species is pretty much out of the closet. It's only a matter of time before Kirk "homosexuality is unnatural" Cameron makes these cute critters his next target.
2. He saw Rush Limbaugh's face pressed up against the glass side of his tank at the zoo. Eeek! A monster! Oh wait, it's just that cantakerous old windbag of a misogynist who gets paid to pollute the airwaves. Like I said, Eeek! A monster!
3. He didn't want to be anywhere near the zoo when the casting agents for Real Penguins of Tokyo showed up. Who needs a camera all up in their beak 24/7?
4. He found out the zookeepers were getting paid off by Gwyneth Paltrow's fishmonger to stop feeding the penguins sardines and start serving mackerel because it's more "sustainable."
5. He heard about Hank the cat campaigning for Senate and figured he had a decent shot in politics. Tokyo Penguin, 2012!
Why do you think the penguin escaped from the zoo in Tokyo?
Image via ume-y/Flickr