Mitt RomneyQuick, if I told you the real first name of the former Massachusetts governor running for president was Mittens Romney, would you believe me? Because some 2 percent of the population revealed in a recent poll that they actually think "Mitt" is short for an item of clothing preferred by toddlers. Oh America, I haven't been this terrified of who they actually let into a ballot box since the last Iowa caucus!

As you -- hopefully -- know, Mitt is actually Romney's middle name, for his dad's cousin, Milton Romney. His first name is Willard, for J. Willard Marriott (yes, that Marriott). But that didn't stop 2 percent of the people answering a 60 Minutes/Vanity Fair poll from clicking on "Mittens." In fact, some 44 percent of Americans admitted they have no clue what the presidential candidate's real name is, while plenty more went out on a limb with choices like Gromit, Milton, and Mitchell. 

And if that doesn't fill you with some dread about the 2012 election, perhaps the rest of the buffoonery out there about ol' Willard Mitt Romney will. Just take a look at what people actually think about this guy!

1. He's a Mormon Out Looking for Another Wife: Like sexiest man alive Ryan Gosling, Mitt was raised Mormon. But you've got to hand it to this guy. Married since 1969 to Ann, his one and only wife, Mormon Mitt has actually had fewer wives than his competition, Newt Gingrich! And get this: according to his campaign website, he is "smitten" with Ann. Hey, that's pretty close to Mittens!

2. He's a Rabid Anti-Choicer: All depends on what you mean by rabid. I mean, a guy who says he's anti-choice in 2011 when he's running for the Republican nomination is pretty hardcore ... until you consider he was out loud and proud in 1994 saying abortion should be both safe and legal. But really, who do you believe? Mitt or Mitt?

3. He's 100 Percent Human: According to a recent New York Times piece on the candidate, he has trouble talking to people, and he tends to make wild guesses about them to make conversation, but is usually wrong. Yes, it's true, Mitt Romney is actually Siri.

Come on, don't tell me you believed any of those?

The 60 Minutes/Vanity Fair poll that hid the Mittster's real name shows America is full of folks so dumb they can't even hit up Google before they vote online, when they're ostensibly sitting right in front of a computer! I shudder to think that they haven't checked up on other facts like these before they head to an actual vote.

Do these dumb voters scare you? Or do you think Mitt should have been going by Willard all along to keep idiots from being confused?

 

Image via nmfbihop/Flickr