Stephen Colbert Reveals Hidden 'Dangers' of Vodka-Soaked Tampons (VIDEO)


stephen colbert vodka tamponCan somebody please tell me why Stephen Colbert is NOT running for president? Seriously. The man is a freaking genius. I mean, who else could take a shock-value story from a local news broadcast about vodka-soaked tampons and turn it into a piece of legitimate cultural relevance?

What's that? You haven't heard of the latest twist on substance abuse threatening to destroy our nation's youth? But everybody's doing it! Which means parents should start freaking out NOW.

Or as Colbert put it, "Yes! This is happening and it is everywhere! A high school security guard heard about it and that means it's true."

Hmmm ... can we say inflammatory fluff piece based on nothing?

"Nation, I wish I could say that this practice -- which is, again, everywhere in America -- is limited to teenage girls," Colbert continued.

"But as KPHO, Phoenix's news leader reports, this phenomenon is equal opportunity ... wake up America! Everyone is doing this! If you are with a teenage boy right now, chances are he has a vodka-soaked tampon in his butt!"

This is the brilliance of Colbert: Seemingly effortlessly, he takes whatever the media is hyping at the moment -- in this case, the vodka-soaked tampon epidemic -- and exposes it as a meaningless bid for attention/votes/money/etc.

Because the ugly truth happens to be that without Colbert's irony and reason framing a ridiculous story like this one, there are just too many people out there who would watch the news and make an immediate jump to paranoid city:

Mom, have you seen my box of tampons?

That's it! I'm sending you to rehab!

Watch this clip and tell me: Don't you think our country would be in a more rational place if Stephen Colbert was president?

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tuffy... tuffymama

No I don't, because he's such a super Lefty.

Momma... MommaGreenhalge

I saw this on "The Doctors" a couple of years ago, and it seemed odd to me then. 

But no, I don't think Colbert would get my vote.  Conan, on the other hand...

Chels... Chelsea880

I  don't care one way or the other about his political views...... He is my soul mate! Our government needs a little humor! Heck yeah I would vote for him! He is better than any canidate that either side has produced thus far...EVER!

Lucre... LucretiaMcEvil

I've been a Stephen Colbert fan since I saw him on "Strangers with Candy". While he is hilarious and has great political views, I do not think he should run for President.

He's fine right where he is.

nonmember avatar Jessie

My mother is a high school counselor and had a group of girls soaking tampons in liquor a few years ago. Sorry, but it's not a "fake" story.

Also, I'd rather have Jon Stewart than Colbert.

GlowW... GlowWorm889

That just sounds incredibly painful....

casan... casanderson1

Those kids are all gonna die of alcohol poisioning.....not only are they using vodka soaked tampons they are "butt chugging" Sticking a beer bong tube up their butts and pouring alcohol straight into their anul cavities. When you drink alcohol your body breaks down the harsh stuff before the alcohol is absorbed into your blood stream lessening the effects. By inserting it into other orifices on their bodies (the vagina or anus) the alcohol is immediately absorbed into their blood stream making it much easier to "drink too much" and get alcohol poisioning.

Colbert would make an awesome president lol and honestly ANYONE would be better than obama....

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