Dear Governor Perry,
It's been a wild ride, hasn't it? We've had some fun times together, what with Michele Bachmann claiming your Texas-wide HPV vaccine can cause mental retardation and the wacky word cloud you launched at Romney when you challenged him on Romneycare. But that "Oops!" belly flop you performed at the debate last night has pretty much killed your chances for the White House. It's time to end your campaign and move on.
You had your opponents trying to help you out! "Five, you need five!" said Ron Paul when you couldn't remember the third government agency you'd like to cut. (Why were you looking to him for help, anyway?!?) "The EPA?" Romney offered. It almost turned the debate into a game show. And let me tell you, I was watching my Twitter stream, which is loaded to the hilt with liberals, and they all felt sorry for you. Governor P, if there's anything a conservative presidential candidate doesn't want, it's the pity of liberals.
You are so right when you say your public speaking goofs shouldn't matter as much as your ideas and your platform. (Far be it from me to fault you for your blunder. I'm the Queen of Foot-in-Mouth disease myself -- one of several reasons why I will never run for President of the United States.) But that's not how politics work in our country. It's all about the sound byte, and that YouTube video is upstaging everything else you have to say. All we can hear now is "Oops!" And if you can't get your message out clearly -- every single time you have the chance -- you're sunk.
Anyway, your numbers were low going into this debate. I know the sexual harassment scandal is hurting Cain and that gives you hope, but if hope is the thing with feathers that perches on the soul, your hope is a half-decaying pheasant shot down several weeks ago. You gave it your best shot, Governor. It's over. We'll miss you and your cowboy boots.
P.S. I never loved you.
Do you think last night's gaffe will end Rich Perry's campaign?
Image via Scott Olson/Getty