New Jersey Republican Senate candidate Phil Mitsch has some advice for women looking to improve their sex lives: Be a whore. It's great because, personally, I love to take all of my sex advice from Republican politicians via Twitter. Doesn't everyone?

On September 2 Mitsch tweeted this to his 44,000 followers: "Women, you increase your odds of keeping your men by being faithful, a lady in the living room, and a whore in the bedroom."

Whoo-hoo! Now he's talking. Camden County GOP Chairman Thomas Booth Jr. demanded an apology and Mitsch complied, but there is just no reason for him to do so. After all, he is totally right. Women should be much more whorish. Every day I wake up and think what I really need is to be sluttier. Don't you? But it got me thinking. Politicians know so much about sex (clearly), they should all write books of advice. To get them started, here are some ideas:

  • Larry Craig: That's the Last Time I Take Sex Advice From George Michael. Senator Larry Craig of Idaho was arrested in the men's restroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport after soliciting a police officer for sex. His book would be a bestseller and would advise on all kinds of things like bathroom decor and specially designed glory holes.
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger: Advice for Successful Pull Out Operations. This book would be a little bit more military strategy than just sex advice for women. But we could all stand to learn a thing or two from the sperminator, er, make that Terminator.
  • Bill Clinton: What Is Your Definition of Cigar? This book would be a classic self-help/psychology book that will really help women justify everything and anything by calling things other than what they are. Just avoid the chapter on the "Devil in the Blue Dress." It's way too graphic.
  • Anthony Weiner: A Wiener Rose By Any Other Name. This is a book of romantic poetry one can use to seduce a potential lover when Twitter photos of your junk just isn't enough. It's hard to believe, but sadly true. Some women want more than penis pictures to make them feel special.
  • Mark Foley: Interns, Pages & Busboys, Oh My! Republican Florida Congressman Mark Foley resigned after reports surfaced that he sent sexually suggestive messages to teenage male congressional pages. Make his folly your success! It's a dating guide for all discreet people looking for love.
  • Mark Sanford: Don't Cry for Me Argentina. South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford was a sad, sad man after his love was revealed. But they will always have Argentina. This is more of a guide book than a love book, per se. But when you are as lost as Sanford, you need all the help you can get.
  • Jerry Springer: Always Pay in Cash. This former mayor of Cincinnati knows you should never pay with check or card. He learned it the hard way.
  • John Edwards: Who's Your Daddy? This book is all about men who want to get out of paternity lawsuits, but still have sex with despicable women while their wives have cancer. So really, it's one for all men.

Would you take a politician's sex advice?

 

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