Whenever I cook dinner for my husband, I always make sure to add the same obscure, unconventional ingredient in every dish: Love. Awwwww. No, actually I usually use crushed red pepper, but same diff, right? Enough about me. Want to know what some crazy broad, Monica Cookman, uses? Cocaine.
The 29-year-old New Jersey woman recently fixed up a hot meal for her boyfriend. After a few bites, he sensed something wasn't right. His heart began racing, his throat numbed up, he had the sudden urge to drive to Las Vegas, and he began giving genuine thought to opening up a microbrewery.
So he did what most people do when they're ski-ed out of their gourd. He went to the police station.
And, dude, they arrested her! Cookman's boyfriend asked the cops to take her out of the kitchen -- and to slap her with a restraining order. So they did. They brought ol' Julia Child down to the station and grilled her about what was up with her "secret sauce." She finally copped to adding TWO LINES of booger sugar to the gourmet feast and was put in jail on Wednesday in lieu of $30,000 bail on the charges of poisoning, aggravated assault, and, naturally, possession of cocaine.
Here's what I don't get. Well, I don't get a lot of things about this story, but the main thing that baffles me is the fact that Monica gave someone cocaine who didn't want it. Not just because it's all sorts of wrong, but because, well, can you think of anything you'd rather do less than be around someone who doesn't want to be on cocaine -- on cocaine?
Her boyfriend must have freaked out once he realized what was going on. He probably got paranoid, he definitely got sweaty, and I'm sure he didn't shut up about how he didn't want to be on drugs. Sounds like it would be hell for both of them.
Monica, you're an idiot. I have no idea the reasoning behind your asinine culinary choice -- and I'm sure I'll never find out. But I can rest assured knowing I will never go to a dinner party at your place.
How ... weird is this?
Image via kikasso/Flickr