Friars Pray Bible Thief Gets Disgusting, Hilarious Punishment

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friarA group of Franciscan friars in Florence is using the power of prayer in hopes that a Bible thief will get what he or she deserves -- diarrhea. A rare and expensive Bible was stolen off of a lectern this week from the 15th century church where Michelangelo once worshipped, San Salvatore al Monte. Adding insult to injury, a replacement Bible that was donated after the theft took place vanished, as well.

Stealing two Bibles? From Michelangelo's church? A bout of the runs seems like the only suitable punishment to me. And, hey, wait 'til you get a load of the hilarious, expletive-laden note the friars left the thief.

On the door of the church, the men, clearly at their wits' end, posted the following message:

We pray to God that the thief is struck by a strong bout of the shits. [Because such a condition might] encourage him to carry out no further thefts.

I've gotta be honest, my original intent was to write a semi-serious post on the fact that friars, who are supposed to be all forgiving and clean, did something so childish and ridiculous, but it's not easy, because ... we're talking about diarrhea here. And I'm sorry, but diarrhea is funny no matter how old you are. It was funny when I sang "diarrhea cha cha cha" on the playground when I was 6, and it's still funny when I'm writing about it at 32. There, I said it. Had to get that off my chest. Okay, so the friars ...

It's admirable that they didn't use their pull with the Lord -- who apparently is a vengeful God -- for a worse punishment (this is, after all, a pretty low crime to commit), but why advertise that this spell has been cast? (Placebo effect?) And why use foul language? Hey, nobody likes to curse like a longshoreman as much as this gal, but I'm a dirtbag, not a friar. I shouldn't be an example to anyone. Except those who aspire to swear a lot. They're supposed to be the epitome of forgiveness and peace.

On the other hand, part of me likes loves that they did this. It shows that they're actual humans with emotions -- even bad ones -- as opposed to robot-like beings who are only capable of doing good. Who knew? Friars -- they're just like us!

What do you think of the fateful diarrhea prayer?

 

Image via rremundo/Flickr

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Zamaria Zamaria

That's too funny! LOL! I kinda think that if a person is desperate enough to steal a Bible, they REALLY need a Bible. Hope whoever stole it uses it!

Char_... Char_gal4

I lol'd!  BTW, they should have offered free Taco Bell.  That'll get the job done!

Chelsey Forshaw

"a strong bout of the shits"- I know it's cruel, but I died. You go, guys!

Saleem Muhammad

"Why use foul language." because when casting, as you say, a "spell" you have to be sure that the intended understands exactly what you mean. The specificity of this type of "magic" is KEY. If someone is juvenile enough to steal a bible (Something that I don't beleive can occur btw.) then they may not have a large vocabulary. So you use the most common words that you can to ensure comprehension.

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