Man Arrested for ‘Vampire’ Attack on Woman Really Sucks

vampire kidA vampire has been arrested in Galveston, Texas. Nineteen-year-old Lyle Bensley is being held on $40,000 bond after he allegedly broke into a woman's home and bit her on the neck. Police found Bensley in a nearby parking lot in only his boxer shorts, hissing and growling, claiming he was a 500-year-old vampire that just needed to feed. He started running from the cops, and scaled two fences yelling over his shoulder that he didn't want to feed on humans, before he was captured and taken into custody.

Oh yeah, it's come to this. And it gets weirder.


While behind bars, Bensley kept warning the guards that they should restrain him for their own safety -- he gnarled his teeth at them, expressing his need to feed.

We've got only two options here: 1) Bensley is actually a vampire, and 2) Bensley is actually out of his mind. Call me a spoil sport, but I'm going with #2 here. Not sure if he's on hallucinogens or just super into the vampire trend, but the boy is unstable. A psychiatric evaluation is pending.

We've got a few more options when it comes to where we can place the blame: 1) Twilight, 2) True Blood, 3) Anne Rice, 4) The Vampire Diaries, 5) The Count from Sesame Street. News outlets are quick to wonder what ill effects pop culture's emphasis on vampires has on the public, but I don't think we can blame anyone other than Bensley for his creepy attack. Sure, he was influenced by TV and movies, but if a man kills an intruder with a baseball bat, are we going to blame baseball?

Bensley deserves to suffer the consequences of his actions (if he indeed proves to be human and not glittery and immortal) because his attack sounds ruthless. He broke into a random woman's home, punched her while in bed, dragged her into the hallway, threw her up against a wall, and bit her mother trucking neck.

I once had an acquaintance take a "psychotic break" as they say and believe that he was Jesus. Maybe that's what happened here, but it's too early to say. All I know is that I'm sleeping with some garlic and a wooden stake under my mattress tonight.

What do you think?

Photo via Galveston County Sheriff's Office

Read More >