El Chupacabra photo evidence.Hey Internet buddies! We've got a live one, here. I'm sure you love a mythical-creature sighting as much as I do, so I've got good news: El Chupacabra was spotted in Texas last week. The goat-eating, blood-sucking, wolf-like animal was seen wandering the plains in Lake Jackson, Texas -- the rural-legend creature was photographed by biologist and skeptic Jack Crabtree. He thinks the animal is just a mangy old coyote, but you and I know better. It's def El Chupacabra. Fables be damned! It's the real thing.
Just like the Bigfoot sighting in Shelby, North Carolina was real, this Chupacabra eye-witness account is most certainly on the up and up. Which can only mean one thing: Turf war. With Bigfoot in North Crackalacky and Chupacabra in Texas, it's only a matter of time until they cross paths and beat the shit out of one another.
You feel me. Bigfoot is probably really pissed that El Chupacabra, a predominately Latin American mythical animal, is treading on Bigfoot's American soil. I really hope I'm there to see the inevitable fight, but I'm afraid my better-than-average camera-focusing skills and penchant for telling underwhelming stories will somehow naturally deter such mystical brutes from seeking my attention.
HOWEVER! I don't think I need to see the fight between Bigfoot and Chupacabra. I already know how it's going to go down. According to scientific fact and grainy home video shot on a cameraphone, Bigfoot is approximately 5'10", 190 pounds, and injured. He wobbles like an old lady who has just stubbed her toe. He's hairy, he's smelly (like roadkill and skunk), and he lives in wooded areas.
The latest info we've got from Jack Crabtree is that El Chupacabra is basically a hairless, mangy dog that seems to be about 90 pounds, three feet tall, and prefers flat farmlands where he can find his goat victims.
Doesn't sound like much of a match -- Bigfoot's got a clear size advantage. I guess the only variable would be the strength and determination of El Chupacabra's bite. If that little guy latches on to Bigfoot's throat, there should be some problems.
The violent encounter of the two allegorical creatures will probably take place near a lake, so that a relative of the Scottish Loch Ness monster will be present to ref. It's only natural. The name of a lake halfway between Texas and North Carolina, you ask? Big Creek Lake, near Mobile, Alabama. See you there. Bring your worse camera!
Who do you think would win in a fight: Bigfoot or Chupacabra?
WATCH Jack Crabtree explain his Chupacabra sighting:
Photo via abcnews.com