h&r blockI have a question for everyone out there. Do scooters turn you on? What about parking lots in front of H&R Blocks? Anyone feeling hot just thinking about those things? Me neither. All I feel is a sense of panic about helmet hair and my federal tax return. But a Floridian couple would disagree with us ... they just couldn't resist the sexiness of engaging in oral sex, on a scooter, in an H&R Block parking lot, at 7 p.m., in plain view of passersby, on a Tuesday night.

Ew. A family (those poor children) called the cops and the couple was arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior and were taken downtown. Dawn Strait and Franklin Rowland explained to the police that they just couldn't help themselves, seeing as Franklin was about to enter detox and this might be their last chance for a little fun.

Teenagers. Am I right? Wait. What? They're not teens? They're how old??? (Mugshots after the jump.)

My weak heart and stomach cannot handle such disgusting imagery. Dawn is 49 years old and Franklin is 46. Well isn't that just about the grossest thing I have learned in a long time. Honestly, they should be booked twice.

Once for a sex act in a public place and again for under the fictitiously appropriate "Really, old people? You should've known better" rule that, fingers crossed, will become law any day now. They should get their punishment doubled. There's no excuse.

florida couple
Franklin Rowland & Dawn Strait

I'm not sure when detox + scooter + H&R Block = blow job, but I could be out of the loop. Maybe Dawn was worried that he'd forget her while he went away to sober up, but I think there was a more appropriate going away present she could've given him. Like oral sex at home. Or stationary.

He'll detox while they spend some time in jail and I hope those two really think about what they've done and hang their heads in shame. But if they're not going to feel remorse, then I at least want them to get creative. Sex on the Beach is just an overrated and outdated cocktail these days. Maybe Dawn and Franklin could market the Oral Sex on a Scooter, or the H&R Blow Job, or Two Ugly Floridians Going At It.

I'm going to go flush out my eyes with bleach to try to erase the mental pictures. This story just doesn't have a happy ending. In fact, it's Franklin's happy ending that led us into this mess.

What do you think of this story?


Photos via socialwoodlands/Flickr and via New Port Richey Police