The interwebs are all abuzz today with rumors that OJ Simpson has finally confessed to the murder of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and Oprah will be airing it on her OWN network ... sometime. Come on, Internet, you can't tease us like this! This sounds just too good to be true, and you know what they say about things that sound too good to be true? They usually are.
I'm one of the Americans who has been waiting to hear OJ's confession for a loooong time. Ever since, oh, October 3, 1995? The day 150 million Americans tuned in together to watch Simpson get off scot-free for killing not just Nicole but Ron Goldman, a waiter and friend of Nicole's who happened to be at her home the night OJ swung by. Yeah, yeah, he was declared "innocent." But is there anyone left in America who believes that? It's time for The Juice to confess, and if it's not to Oprah, to someone. Let's lay out the reasons:
1. He can't be convicted anyway. Sad but true. Under American law, OJ himself is protected from "double jeopardy." He will put to rest the rumors and the innuendos, and get a huge weight off of his chest. According to the current rumor, Simpson is peddling a "self-defense" story that sounds dubious (really, a pro-football hall of famer against little old Nicole? Even if she DID have a knife?). So this is the most selfish reason of all, but come on, we all think he did it. Do we expect him to be all that kind and loving?
2. It's good for his kids. These kids lost their mother, and that was one of the worst things a child has to go through. Currently their father sits in a Nevada jail on robbery and kidnapping charges after he stole "back" sports memorabilia at a Las Vegas casino. And every day they're plagued by the not knowing, the rumors, the innuendo. At least they'd know. And maybe the media would leave them the heck alone.
3. It's good for the Goldmans. They may have won their civil case against The Juice, but the family of Ron Goldman still struggles mightily with the loss of their loved one. Money doesn't bring him back. But a little closure would be cathartic. Doesn't he owe them that?
4. It's good for the fans. There's nothing like some really juicy scandal to make the price of memorabilia jump through the roof. So let's see if we can get some of that OJ Simpson signed stuff to do more than take up space in people's closets.
Do you think OJ Simpson killed Nicole? Should he confess to Oprah or to anyone for that matter?
Image via Getty Images/Ethan Miller