Brace yourself! The Summer Solstice is always a super-charged time of year: The creative juices really start flowing and fertility is at its peak (take that knowledge and do with it what you will!). That's why people used to dance around at Stonehenge and bang drums and go all Midsummer Night's Crazy every June 21. But this year's Summer Solstice is predicted to be an even more-powerful-than-usual time of change -- more "pick up and move to Spain" than "put new cabinets in the kitchen," if you get my drift. I'm not sure exactly what this means for my personal life (yikes!), but I can definitely think of a few changes I'd love to see happen in the world at large.
- The Kardashians would cease to exist. Not just the Kardashians, but every other ridiculously famous/wealthy individual/family who never did anything to achieve said fame or wealth. Bethenny Frankel? I'm talking to you. And you, Snooki.
- All male politicians would have to be eunuchs. We're wasting far too much time obsessing about which politician put his Weiner where to get anything done!!! Um, remember poverty and global warming and war and all that other actually relevant stuff going on in the world? Me neither, 'cause all my mental space is cocked up with useless information about the sex lives of elected officials.
- Sarah Palin would become a cave-dwelling hermit somewhere in the wilds of Alaska, kind of like that one crazy character Herman the Hermit from the cartoon special Yogi's First Christmas who wore that weird skunk/coonskin cap and had a very Grinch-like outlook on the holidays. I can see it now: "You dang liberals stop messin' with Christmas or I'll shoot ya down like a lazy moose!" (By the way, if you're too young to remember Yogi's First Christmas, I have nothing to say to you.)
- All celebs would be required to name their kids either Jane or John, depending on gender. No more Moroccan Sunset Bear Cub whatever the %&$#. Let's keep it simple!
- The apocalyptic weather patterns would stop! Enough with the floods and the tornadoes and the earthquakes! What is this, the Old Testament? If it starts raining locusts anytime soon, I'm gonna be really ticked off.
What would you like to see change this Summer Solstice?
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