Anthony Weiner resignsCongressman Anthony Weiner resigned this afternoon, and I know we're not supposed to laugh about all the "moral decay" in politics, but it's pretty frickin' HARD (hahaha) not to giggle and carry on like an 8th grade boy when a man named Weiner (hahaha) shows his wiener all over the internet, using HIS REAL NAME and IDENTITY. (Did he miss first rule of Sexting 101? Never use your real name especially if you're a politician). What an idiot! We couldn't write a more hilariously tuned political scandal if we tried!
Of course, the snickers continued even today during his resignation speech. OMG, is he TRYING to make me rupture my spleen with laughter? I think so.
5 Anthony Weiner Resignation Speech Crack-Ups
1. As soon as Weiner said he was resigning, a heckler yelled out, "Bye bye, pervert!" Seriously funny stuff. I mean, it's what the whole room was thinking, but only one very loud and socially challenged man yelled out.
2. Weiner explained he is resigning most importantly so "my wife and I can continue to heal from the damage that I have caused. To repeat, most importantly so that I can continue to heal from the damage that I have caused" (emphasis mine). Wait, what??? So HE can heal. What about OUR EYES, OUR EYES? None of us shalll ever be the same again after seeing those photos.
3. I laughed in a sort of sad way when he pulled in his poor mom and dad, who have probably moved to Florida by now to avoid all the "oy veys" and shaking heads. "I want to express my gratitude to my family," he said. "To my mother and father who instilled in me the values that have carried me this far." His mother and father probably died a little when he brought their family "values" into his resignaton-for-being-too-pervy-and-lying-about-it speech. Why Anthony? Why?
4. Anyone else almost blow a gasket when he said, "I’ll be looking for other ways to contribute my talents ... "? Oh, you've done enough with your TALENTS, sir. Just keep your "talents" to your frickin' self, will ya? Honestly, can you believe this guy?
5. And in a finale sent from Funnyville USA, the same heckler yelled out, "Are you more than seven inches?" Like I said, we couldn't even begin to write a scandal with more hilarity than this one.
WATCH Anthony Weiner's resignation speech:
Did you find the Weiner's resignation hilarious?
Image via ABCNews YouTube