Stupid Idiot Finds $17,000 and Returns It

chase atmIn today's edition of "Things I Wished Happened to Me," Robert Adams of Chicago, Illinois found a giant sack of money next to a Chase Bank ATM. On his way to get out some cash so he could buy a burrito (man after my own heart), Adams stumbled upon a clear plastic bag full of receipts, checks, and cold hard American dollar dollar bills, y'all. The bag was just sitting there against the ATM machine in plain sight.

Naturally, Adams assumed it was a joke and that as soon as he touched it, someone would start laughing at him. I get that. I've been burned by a poo dollar once before, so I understand that reaching out and touching blatant money is something to be skeptical of. Adams' curiosity finally got the better of him, and he took hold of this glorious gift from god and walked right into the bank.


The bag had "Chase" printed on it, so Adams assumed the bag belonged to them. Apparently, it didn't. The ATMs are filled from inside the bank, and after a phone call to the police and a few bank officials, it was uncovered that the sack of cash was left by armoured courier company, Loomis, and that the money was meant for an ATM in a nearby Chicago suburb.

Adams explained that he never, for one second, thought about keeping the dough:

It's not my money. I shouldn't take it. I don't care if you put another zero on there, I wasn't raised to take money that isn't mine. If I saw you drop it, I'd say, "Excuse me, sir. I think you dropped something."

Adams' parents, who are both deceased, would be really proud of him. The Rolling Meadows, Illinois police chief thought he deserved some recognition for his good deed and told the story to the press.

Listen. I'm sure we'd all return the money -- could we live with the guilt if we didn't? -- but $17,201 might have quickly become $15,201 without anyone knowing the difference. Just saying. (Smiley face emoticon.) Go Robert, you rule!

Would you be tempted to keep a sack of money if you found one?


Photo via aranami/Flickr

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