jon stewart pizza rantMadone! Donald Trump is no pisan, as Jon Stewart proved with his passionate rant against Trump's sacrilegious pizza-eating style, which was on display earlier this week when the bouffant-ed blowhard met Sarah Palin for a "real New York" slice. But if there's anybody who can school The Donald in how to put away a piece of pizza like a real New Yorker, it's Stewart. If you're reading, Donald, better pay attention to these Daily Show Do's and Don't's of Pizza the next time you eat a pie in public or, well, it ain't gonna be pretty. Capiche?

  • Do pick an authentic pizza joint, like Lombardi's in the East Village or Grimaldi's in Brooklyn. Famous Famiglia's in Times Square, an Albanian chain with a location in an Arizona airport? Fuggedaboudit.
  • Don't stack pizza slices on your plate. What, you want the crust to get all mushy? What'sa matta for you?
  • Don't eat your pizza with a fork. As Stewart said, Trump may as well have taken that plastic fork and shoved it in New York's eyeball. A disgrace!
  • Do fold your slice and eat it with one hand. New Yorkers are too freakin' busy to eat with two hands, come on! Show some respect.

Check out Stewart's full-length anti-Trump tirade -- you'll never eat a piece of sub-par pizza again: