As if we didn't have enough to worry about with Harold Camping and Family Radio scaring us with talk about The Rapture and the end of the world on May 21, now there's something new to freak out about.
No earthquakes this time on Judgment Day, but instead the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is warning Americans of an imminent zombie apocalypse and telling them how to prepare for such an emergency.
This is direct from the CDC blog post (which crashed when too many people tried to access this important information):
There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example ... You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.
Eek! Zombies are much more terrifying than earthquakes!
The people most likely to survive a zombie attack are, of course, those who follow the CDC Zombie Preparedness Plan (which, incidentally, is exactly the same as its preparedness plan for other disasters like hurricanes and tornadoes*). It includes stocking up on food and water and first-aid supplies, as well as figuring out "where you would go and who you would call if zombies started appearing outside your door step."
Of course, the CDC assures us that it is prepared as well:
If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak ... CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).
Zombie infestation?! I don't know about you, but I'm certainly not breathing more easily with this information.
Zombie attack or The Rapture? Either way it's clear: We're all about to die.
*The Zombie Preparedness Plan was actually a clever ruse the CDC used to get people to heed its advice on how to prepare for real emergencies like hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, etc. As far as we know, there is no imminent zombie attack.
Image via Bob Jagendorf/Flickr