May 21, aka the end of the world, is a mere three days away and there's still so much to do! Ack! They're not joking when they say going away can be more stressful than everyday life.
Are your bills paid off? It would be un-Christ-like to leave our godless "friends" and relatives with a pile of debt. Have you packed? Personally I'm only taking light sweaters and leaving my bathing suits behind, because others will make better use of them than I when they're burning in hell. How about your pets, though? Have you thought of this? Where will they go? I mean, we love our little puppies and kitties to pieces, but contrary to what the movie tells us, all dogs do not go to heaven. Because, according to one biblical prophecy site, they don't have souls.
This is a tough one. We need someone who is evil enough not to be invited to Jesus's kingdom, but not too evil as, well, we're leaving our shih tzus with them. We need ... someone like Bart Centre and Eternal Earth-Bound Pets!
Bart Centre, a stupid (but not too stupid) atheist, is the go-to guy for all your post-Rapture pet needs. For a small fee of $135, he and his staff of 44 will care for all your four-legged friends while you're off playing 18 holes with JC. Peace of mind for under 200 bucks? Where do I sign? If I were you I'd hurry, though, as the Rapture is almost upon us and 258 people have already nabbed spots.
I know what some of you are thinking, and you have every right: How in the heck is any sort of business going to be able to function properly when death and destruction come crashing down on Saturday? This is where personal choice comes in. If you're a spokesperson for Family Radio, this is your belief and you wouldn't dare shell out the cash to a completely futile company. Others may be thinking: Well, I don't necessarily think the world will burn after I rise, but leave my pet with a non-believer? That doesn't exactly sit right with me. The same biblical website that told us our pets don't have souls voiced their concern about this, too, saying:
A lot of persons are concerned about their pets, but I don't know if they should necessarily trust atheists to take care of them.
These are all valid points, people. All things that should be carefully thought through. Discuss them with your loved ones. Make a pro and con list. Be thorough. This girl, though? She's not taking any chances. I've already signed my little guy up for Eternal Earth Bound Pets. I mean, it's just money. And it's a different currency in Heaven anyway, duh.
What are you doing with your pet on doomsday?
Image via mikebaird/Flickr