Whether city or country (or suburban sprawl for that matter), you may have heard out on the streets that Judgment Day is heading at us like a freight train. This Saturday, May 21, 2011 is said to be the end of the world. But you know, for every good conspiracy, there has to be a good group of people who have labeled it hogwash to make you feel OK about saying, "Yeah, no, I'm not running out to have random sex and eat thousands of calories to make this last week a good one."
In the case of Judgment Day, the non-believers are a mixed bag, but with a list as long as the one we've pulled together, chances are you'll find a safe place to stand when judgement comes washing through on Saturday. Who doesn't believe? Let's see:
Donald Trump: He stepped out of the race for president today, but in pure Trump fashion, he did so while claiming he totes had the thing in the bag. If he thought Saturday was the end, you know the old windbag would have stayed in the game; he never would have had to PROVE he could win!
Apple Execs: The new iPhone 4S won't be available until September. If Saturday were the end, it would be in stores today, and people would still be lining the block to get one in their hot little hands.
The Church of Latter Day Saints: When the Son of Man didn't show up in the late 1800s as predicted, the Mormons pretty much gave up on Judgment Day predictions. Can presidential candidate (and famous Mormon) Mitt Romney spin that one to counteract RomneyCare?
Stephen Hawking: He recently said heaven is a "fairy story." And what a week to say it Stephen! It's certainly a story the believers are clinging to this week.
Michael Newdow: I know what you're thinking. Who? He's the atheist who has been spending his days mucking up the courts with lawsuits to first get "under God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance (he lost) and now attempting to keep the president from swearing "so help me God" during the inauguration ceremonies. Not the kind of guy who sees the Big Guy Upstairs smiting him for his sass.
Bristol Palin: What do you think the chances are she wants her last moment in the spotlight to be about that chin? This girl from Wasilla's betting on a few more scandals before she's gone!
Jon Cryer: He's been out of work for months, and news that Ashton is joining Two and Half Men means ol' Duckie might finally do some winning of his own. There's no way he's giving that up.
Monsters Inc. Fans: Finally, Disney gives us news that our favorite night scarers are coming back in 2013. I'll save you a seat in the middle of the theater, off to the left!
Ryan Murphy: The guy behind Glee is dragging out this season all the way until May 24, when we'll get a taste of something Wicked (the Broadway show to be exact). What kind of guy would leave Gleeks hanging on if he thought the fun would end before the fat lady (or you know, the New Directions) actually sang?
Gwyneth Paltrow: Because everyone knows Gwynnie's life is PERFECT. How dare some immortal being come along a mess with her flow?
Are you ready for Judgment Day? Which skeptic crowd could you hang with?
Image via @jbtaylor/Flickr