6 Reasons Arizona Should Be Kicked Out of the U.S.

Maressa Brown

birther bill billboardOkay, Arizona, what's up? You obviously don't want to be a part of the team effort to help the rest of America get back on its feet. You just want do crazy stuff, like require that presidential candidates present their "long-form" birth certificates before competing in the state. Not quite seeing how that's helpful or contributing to the big picture?

But, hey, it's cool if you want to do your own thing. We can deal. You'll be like that ex we never, ever think of, except on occasion to cringe about how just out-there wackyballs you were. I mean, it's not like we're really getting any ... thing from you right now anyway. It's like all you care about lately is stirring up drama and annoying headlines. Sure, you're hot and beautiful, what with your Grand Canyon and all, but that's not going to cut it if you keep up this insane behavior.

Here, six reasons why you, Arizona, should be dumped by the rest of the country ...

1. You're obviously racist. You actually passed a bill that answers the battle cry of wackadoo "birthers." Come on, you're kidding, right? No? You're ... serious? You think you're being so suave with your attempt to "trap" President Obama addition of more red tape, which will require that presidential candidates present a "long-form" birth certificate to compete in the election. But wait, this is for the U.S. election? Oh, and you did this without the vote of a single Democrat? Wow, you are even less of a team player than I thought, Arizona.

2. You're kind of a misogynist. Last month, Governor Jan Brewer signed a new law that made abortion illegal if it's done based on the sex or race of a fetus. But, Arizona, who is actually aborting based on these reasons?? And even if they were -- and of course that would be awful -- it's still a woman's right to think for herself, and her motive is really none of your business. Why ya gotta be so darn nosy anyway?

3. No, I take it back -- you are a misogynist. Gov. Brewer also signed into law a bill that would require every woman considering an abortion be provided with an ultrasound, further traumatizing a woman who is already in a difficult position and has already had to research and make a tough decision.

4. You're planning to rob childless, obese people and smokers. Some people don't get obese, because they stuff their faces with McHoHo's and French fried Cadbury eggs, okay, Arizona? Some of them have diabetes, thyroid conditions, handicaps, etc. Have a little compassion. Just because you have a budget problem doesn't mean you have to go around robbing people who are struggling with losing weight or quitting smoking. Find that money somewhere else!

5. You're harassing people based on their ethnicity. Why are you such a bully, Arizona? Is it really necessary for you to foster racial profiling in order to "crack down on illegal immigration"?

6. You're rooting out teachers with accents. Last year, your State Dept. of Education began telling school districts that teachers whose spoken English it deems to be heavily accented or ungrammatical must be removed from classes for students still learning English. Wow, you really seem to be turned off by those who aren't born and bred within your borders! Maybe you're better off starting your own country, so no one has to worry about scarring your children with their heavy Brooklyn, Midwestern, or other "foreign-sounding" accent. 

These are just a few of the many things you're doing right now, Arizona, that prove you're slightly out of control. We totally respect your individuality and all, but if you're not interested in actually having a healthy relationship with your citizens and your country, I say it's about time we start thinking about, at the very least, getting some serious counseling.

Do you think Arizona deserves to be dumped?

Image via Nathan Jongewaard/Flickr

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