The Bronx Zoo venomous cobra has been found and, as it turned out, he wasn't coiled in some unsuspecting New Yorker's toilet or poised to bite a toddler as she played in a park. In fact, the snake was found in the safest place of all: coiled in a dark corner of the reptile house.
But seriously, how is it that jaded New Yorkers were so done in by this snake? After Jim Kosek's snake-filled freak-out while reporting the weather, it has become abundantly clear that the city that prides itself on being so tough and jaded can't even handle a little loose cobra.
As a proud member of the Red Sox nation, I've always known those who root for the Yankees are a little weak, but come on, this is ridiculous.
OK, OK, so this Egyptian cobra's venom is so deadly that it can kill a full-grown elephant in three hours -- or a person in about 15 minutes. Plus, the venom destroys nerve tissue and causes paralysis and death due to respiratory failure.
But, really. I mean they told us it was probably fine and it was probably coiled up somewhere in the reptile house and, um, they were totally right. So why the panic, New York? You've survived far worse than an itty bitty snake. Just think, they battle these things all the time in North Africa!
What is a shame is that this little snake (20 to 24 inches long and 3 ounces) will probably lose some of its hard-won fame now. During the five days he was on the loose, his Twitter account earned more than 200,000 followers! Now there is no Saturday Night Live appearance, no subway sightings or Jimmy Kimmel friendship. He will just be a regular old snake again.
The snake is said to be in good condition, and once they're certain the snake is fine and ready for visitors, the zoo will reopen the reptile house to the public. This could be as soon as next weekend.
All's well that ends well, I suppose. But all that fear was for naught. Bet you feel pretty stupid right about now, New York. Don't worry, I won't hold it against you when we beat you in the World Series this October.
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Image via RussBowling/Flickr