Spider-Man is on the loose, y'all! Forty-eight-year-old French daredevil, Alain Robert, has scaled the tallest building in the world, the Burj Khalifa in Dubai. Using a safety harness and lines, Robert was able to climb the 2,717 feet of slippery glass and polished metal in just over six hours.
It's about half a mile straight up and Robert reportedly prepared for the climb with room-service pasta and a few push-ups.
Sounds like in order to be Spider-Man, all you need is $15 for dinner and an insatiable appetite for heights. Paging Bono and Julie Taymor! Put away your $65 million checkbook, I think I've found the missing puzzle piece.
Alain Robert doesn't usually wear a safety harness nor use ropes, but the building's owners wouldn't let him climb without them. Point is, do you think he would need any of those lame wire contraptions and spinning seats in Spider-Man, Turn Off the Dark? Nope. Robert could just climb the sides of the theater, which can't be more than 100 feet high, and dazzle us with his risky moves and stealthy jumps.
And it's not like the show requires any of its leads to possess musical skill or talent -- trust me, I suffered through all three hours of Spider-Man and at the end was convinced I could have a career on Broadway. I mean, I won a chorus trophy in sixth grade, which I'm sure is more than most of those tone-deaf characters can say.
Latest news from the ill-fated musical is that they're cutting out the "geek chorus" and possibly Arachne, so maybe they've got room in the over-inflated budget to give Robert a part. Just slap a Spidey suit on him and say "go." I'm sure Robert would be on the ceiling in no time. He's a professional, after all. He's climbed the Empire State Building and Chicago's Willis Tower for crying out loud -- you think a little west-side indoor theater is going to be a problem?
Robert could bound around inside like a bouncy ball in glass box. No need for music, nor fancy lighting, nor other characters ... just Robert. Give him $10,000 a show and call it a day. Now that's a performance worth seeing.
Would you rather see Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark or Alain Robert climb around inside a theater without a harness?
Photo via YouTube