Mass Animal Deaths: What's the Government Hiding?


apocalypse clouds skyOkay, let me get all the ridiculous explanations about the recent string of mass animal deaths straight. Fireworks went off in a bazillion towns around the world on New Year's Eve, including mine, but only drove the thousands of sleeping birds in small towns in Arkansas, Louisiana, and Kentucky to fly nightblind into obstructions and break their necks. The kadrillion sleeping birds in every other town across the planet ... they're just deep sleepers?

And um, there were no fireworks going off in Sweden where the jackdraws were found dead, by the way. So much for that crappy theory! Oh and all those dead fish, also in Arkansas, most likely just died of some disease. Mmmhmm, I see. Just a fish-killing disease. Shrug. We don't eat much fish anyway. No big. Puh-lease!

Sounds like a major coverup to me. And the mass animal death stories keep coming in. What's really going on?

Today I woke up to more dead animal news: two million dead fish were just found in Maryland and 40,000 dead crabs found in England. And how are scientists (or should I say government agents posing as scientists?) explaining away these deaths? Oh it's "cold weather." Uh, doesn't cold weather come around every year? It's called winter, smartypantses.

Do they really think we're complete imbeciles or something? Obviously something big is going down, and no one's telling us the truth. Here are some very scary ideas I'm milling over right now.

8 Explanations for All the Mass Animal Deaths:

  1. Government conspiracy: Well, obviously. No matter what's going on, they're totally covering it up, trying to ward off mass hysteria.
  2. Aliens: It bears repeating. And these aliens are animal murderers! And invisible! And everywhere!
  3. End of the world: Hello, here it comes!
  4. Poltergeists: Theeeeey're here. Stay away from mirrors in the bathroom, closets where the lights come on, and clown dolls.
  5. Zombies: They kill animals right before they start feasting on human flesh. We're all about to be living in the Thriller video.
  6. Angry God: We've really pissed him off. Face it. He gives us brains and this beautiful place to live and thrive, and we produce the Real Housewives and Jersey Shore. What good are we?
  7. Global death: Wake up, people! We're killing our planet. Deadly toxins in the air and in the water. Seriously, I think this might really be it.
  8. Deadly combo: Maybe 6 + 7 + 1 = 3

What do you think they're hiding from us?


Image via KFDL/Flickr

environment, in the news, natural disasters


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

Madel... MadelynMc

This stuff actually happens all of the time but no one notices or cares. The media is playing on the 2012 fear. I'm not saying that we're not causing it by killing our planet, but the fact that they are all happening so close together doesn't really mean anything except that people are starting to pay attention. Also, you don't think it's plausible that a virus could kill just one type of fish? Does your cat or dog ever catch the flu? We're all mammals so by your logic we should all die from the same diseases.

ZandC... ZandCsmom1968

I'll go with Option 3.  2012 is around the corner. ***Rolls eyes***

WSitzler WSitzler

I have a friend thats just going crazy over this stuff!!

sweet... sweetcherry_59

I think its the end of the world....We only have till 2012 people so live it up *insert eye roll here*

Freela Freela

Or how about the media paying it all special attention and reporting incidences that normally would go unreported because right now animal deaths are 'hot news?'  Just like the 'summer of the shark' a few years back- it had the same amount of shark attacks as any other year, except the media decided to take the topic and run with it.

mommix4 mommix4

Who cares? Not me! If its God then I'm safe so I'm not worried. If its fish Poisen oh well I'm allergic! I think its just media gone wild

nonmember avatar Ash

Zombies. But don't worry, here in Arkansas we have guns and heavy artillery fireworks, so we won't let them get out of control.

starl... starlight1968

<palm/face>  stuff like this has happened before?  I guess with technology today we'll hear about EVERYTHING going on now where maybe if it has happened before it was just a local story?

I don't know.... I watched FlashForward and the dead birds/animals etc. were from scietific experiments...soooo HMMMMMMM???!!! lol

Alda Johnston-Moore

I am going with Aliens but of course that is the skyptic in me :)

Shanin22 Shanin22

You forgot chem trails....  you know, the stuff the government in spraying into our air leaving smoke lines across the sky long after the planes leave. At least that's what my moms rooting for.

Personally I'm going with aliens :)

1-10 of 27 comments 123 Last