The release of Elizabeth Edwards' will today puts a capper on a traumatic holiday season, but even dead we'd put Elizabeth up against her philandering no-good ex-husband John Edwards any day. She managed to deliver a Dear John letter in a will without once mentioning the rat bastard former Senator's name. That takes some chutzpah.
And did we mention she only waited until page two to kill him off? What a classy lady.
Says the will: Catharine Edwards, the couple's eldest child, is named executor of the estate. If she dies, the duties go to a woman named Barbara Weyher (a lawyer and one-time contributor to John's campaign).
What she's saying to John: I'm willing to go out of the family to find someone I trust with my money. You, buddy, are dead to me.
Says the will: "If I am the surviving parent of any child of mine who shall be a minor at the time of my death, I appoint my daughter, Catharine Elizabeth Edwards, to be the guardian of the person of any minor children."
What she's saying to John: The sooner you're gone, the sooner Cate can have the kids. Don't let the doorknob hit you in the behind on your way to hell.
Says the will: All furnishings, jewelry, china, automobiles, silverware etc. will be split among her living kids.
What she's saying to John: You're not having sex with that slut on my couch. Or in my car. Or while eating strawberries off of my silverware.
Says the will: The inheritance of minor children may be given to the adult with whom they're residing, but said guardian must listen to the executor of the will regarding said property.
What she's saying to John: I'm watching you MF-er. Yeah, you. There will be no borrowing my stuff from the kids (see above -- no sleeping with that slut on my couch, etc.).
Says the will: The executor has absolute power and no one has the right to question her judgement.
What she's saying to John: She may be your daughter too, but don't even think about messing with her.
Image via Tony the Misfit/Flickr
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Comments 14
I don't think Elizabeth would stoop to calling anyone a slut.
Elizabeth was a classy, gusty woman to the end.
I think Elizabeth Edwards was a great lady, but all that language is pretty standard in wills--if a couple is married, the executor is usually someone outside the family so it makes sense if they're divorced, it would definitely be someone else, and they are the *executor*, not a mediator, they have final say in how it all gets divided, etc. And every parent who makes a will provides a guardian for their children, again, whether they're still married to the other parent or not. Can't you just let this woman rest in peace instead of making drama where there is none?
I agree with her wishes 100%.
On Today this morning they announced he moved back into the family mansion... what's up with that?
A Will is such an important document that doesn't just instruct how things get distuributed, but attests to the the full measure and value at the end of a life journey together. It think for John, Zero sounds about right.
John's an ass. There, we called him something. Way to go, Elizabeth!