Cocaine in Easter Eggs: Not As Smart as Chocolate Santas

Sasha Brown-Worsham

Drug dealers and terrorists are often extremely stupid, which I guess is a lucky break for us. A smuggler in California was caught two days before Christmas with 14 pounds of cocaine hidden in...  Easter eggs.

Wrong holiday, dude. Not surprisingly, U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers are trained to look for "anomalies" and Easter eggs in December? They qualify.

"That's certainly an anomaly, isn't it? They're trained to detect anomalies in all kinds of situations," Lee Harty, a spokeswoman for U.S. Customs and Border Protection told CNN. "It's an unusual concealment method -- at least for this time of year. Maybe not for spring."

Duh.... I am reminded of a Saturday Night Live skit from way back when:

Since it was Christmas, I have a few other places Esteban Galtes, 23, of Miami, Florida who was coming from Colombia to Los Angeles, could have put the coke if he were smarter.

Nutcrackers: More seasonally appropriate and there is a sweet little compartment that could be taped down and rolled up. No one would question the presence of hundreds of nutcrackers before Christmas, right? Just say you are in the ballet!

Ornaments: Another idea, much smarter than EASTER EGGS IN DECEMBER would be ornaments. Slide them open, insert cocaine and voila! The perfect seasonal smuggling vehicle.

Baggies: What is more Christmas-y than "snow"? Blow rhymes with snow and is often called  "snow" by drug dealers in the know (and me, a tragically unhip mama). Pack it up in baggies and say you are making Christmas tree dioramas for the poor and it is part of your craft set.

Gingerbread houses: What says Christmas more than 100 mini gingerbread houses sealed and perfectly decorated, all to share with hundreds of sick orphans in Pasadena? No border patrol officer in their right mind would have the heart to break up a gingerbread village in the name of search and seizure.

Socks and underwear wrapped up as "gifts": Dude, nobody wants that crap. That is such a boring, lame-o gift that the border patrol will positively yawn with complacency. Let that poor guy pass, they will say. He's so square, he's got corners.

Is this the dumbest criminal ever?


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