Dear Sarah Palin, you'd been out of office for half a year by the time 2010 rolled around. And at no time in 2010 did you officially announce that you were running for, well, anything.
Oh, you hinted. And you threw together SarahPAC to raise money so you could run. And you spent the year papering the country with just the sort of political propaganda that you can use to launch a campaign. And Sarah -- we're both just "folks," so I'm willing to bet you'd let me call you Sarah -- you spent the year taking up too much of my time. So it's with a lightened heart that this mama's new year's resolution is to retract these grizzly claws.
Yes, you read that right. After a year in which you seemed to take turns infuriating and befuddling me, I'm turning the other cheek. I'm going to be a little nicer to Sarah Palin this year. I know it will disappoint you to have one less cranky liberal to refudiate. Your social media campaign is nothing without people spreading the word online. Your PR machine is only as good as the word of mouth you can generate.
And so I do this for the good of not only you and me but America. People on both sides of the aisle want me to shut up about you. The left wingers have begged me to stop giving you press; the migraine meds are getting too expensive. And even when I was nice to you, the confused conservatives worried I was "stalking" you. They missed your memo on maximum exposure: no press is bad press as long as it boosts your Google rank, right Sarah? But really, between you and Kate Gosselin, you're still my favorite famewhore.
And so, I'm going to do the kindest thing I can think of -- for everyone in America. I'm going to think nothing of you for awhile in 2011. It will be like you aren't even there. I'm fully willing to believe that ignorance is bliss; it's seemed to work for you for the past few years.
You should be happy, Sarah. After all, this liberal can't be promoting "lamestream media bias" if she's not saying a word. You can go back to watching Russia from now on Sarah; this blogger is taking a break to watch something that will reduce the constant throb that sat at the back of her head in 2010. I hear paint drying is a good option.
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