After 41 long years, our nightmare is over. Dead rocker Jim Morrison is expected to get a pardon today from the Florida Clemency Board for pretending to whip out his johnson in front of a crowd of hippies in Miami way back in 1969. To quote the man himself, "This is the end, beautiful friend."
Don't you feel better? Now can we get back to the important stuff? Florida Governor Charlie Crist has already wasted four years on this personal quest; he started considering the pardon in 2007 at the behest of a fellow Doors fan. Crist was convinced that memories of Morrison would be forever tainted because The Doors' frontman was trying to appeal charges of indecent exposure for the March 1969 incident when he died in 1971.
So, one famous guy didn't get his day in court because he took too many drugs in a Paris bathtub, and he has to be avenged. Who knew having one of the most visited tombstones in all of Paris and being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame wasn't enough to guarantee a legacy?
Hey, Charlie, I grew up within spitting distance of the Woodstock site; I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that no one has forgotten Jim Morrison. People are still cranky that The Doors didn't show up for the biggest festival of the '60s. And that was 41 years ago! The same amount of time that's elapsed since his silly pants unzipping.
It's pretty clear Crist's trying to give himself a legacy. He pissed off Florida voters so much his bid for a Senate seat failed miserably, and he's now a lame duck governor who can't do diddly.
Of course, he could try to talk his Republican-led state legislature out of its proposal to add a constitutional amendment that would block the Obama healthcare bill. Supposedly he supports affordable healthcare for all Floridians. But he's too busy riding through the storm for Jim Morrison. Or he could be coming up with ways to refill the unemployment compensation trust fund that's fallen to a 0 balance thanks to a law he signed into being back in March. Sorry, Florida businesses, Charlie Crist says, "Hello, I love you, but I've got smaller fish to fry."
Get back to work, Charlie, you still have three weeks to screw up Florida. Jim Morrison will be fine without you. He's already dead.
Can you think of a better use of Florida's time?
Image via SongLyrics/Flickr