Goldilocks Planet & the Three Mama Grizzlies

Sasha Brown-Worsham

An Earth-like planet called Gliese581g in the "Goldilocks zone" of space has scientists suggesting there could be life elsewhere.

"Our findings offer a very compelling case for a potentially habitable planet," said Steven Vogt, an astronomer at the University of California, Santa Cruz. "The fact that we were able to detect this planet so quickly and so nearby tells us that planets like this must be really common."

Of course anyone who has ever seen the lineup of Republican women -- or "Mama Grizzlies" -- has known for months there is clearly life on other planets.

According to Newsweek, Sarah Palin says:

A mama grizzly is a conservative woman with “common sense,” as, someone who “rises up” to protect her children when she sees them endangered by bad policies in Washington. She is fearless, and that, in combination with her femaleness, makes her scary -- a new kind of political predator. She will take on any foe and, the implication is, rip him or her to shreds.

Or, they are from another planet, one from the "Goldilocks" region. Consider this:

Sarah Palin: The ultimate "Mama Grizzly" who coined the term herself (or her writers did) during the 2008 election.

Some signs she's an alien:

  • Her interview with Katie Couric, which proved she had not read much of anything in the past 20 years.
  • Her pull over people. No matter how stupid she proves herself to be, people still love her "straight talk." OR ... they are under alien control -- a much more likely scenario.
  • The way she talks. Her accent is highly suspect with dubious origins.

Nikki Haley: Candidate for South Carolina governor, Haley is a member of the Tea Party, which spins better fairy tales than the Brothers Grimm.

Signs she is an alien:

  • Claims of at least two extramarital affairs, which she vehemently denies, made her famous and that fame helped her win the primary. She used her alien feminine wiles.
  • Opposes abortion rights, gun control, and health care reform, all of which suggest she hasn't been on Earth long enough to have learned much.

Michele Bachmann: Minnesota congresswoman and certifiable freak-show.

Signs she is an alien:

  • Discovered she was a Republican (she was raised a Democrat) after reading a book in college.
  • Sat on the board of a school that wouldn't show the Disney movie Aladdin because it had "witchcraft."
  • Used that same board to set up classes on teaching creationism over evolution.

A little obvious, no?

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