Rally to Restore Sanity Oozes With Jealousy

Suzanne Murray

stephen colbert keep fear alive rallyJon Stewart is okay, but he's no Stephen Colbert -- and he knows it. Colbert is funnier, smarter, sexier, taller, he's probably got cleaner balls, and as far as I know, he hasn't been accused of sexual harassment. But, hey, Jon's the boss.

The Colbert Report is produced by Jon Stewart’s Busboy Productions, Inc. (in association with Colbert’s production company). Colbert has no such "influence" over Stewart's show. Other than, say, keeping Stewart on his comedic toes.

Take Stewart's recent announcement for his Rally to Restore Sanity. How did that come about?

The campaign for a satirical march on Washington, called Restore Truthiness to the Classroom, was started on Stephen Colbert's behalf (in response to Glenn Beck's Restoring Honor Rally) and has been making the social media rounds -- Facebook, Twitter, Reddit. Users even started raising money for DonorsChoose.org, a nonprofit that helps deliver supplies to schools around the country. So far, almost $250,000 has been raised ... for Stephen Colbert.

Colbert responded to the grassroots campaign with a letter to Reddit users:

Dear Redditors,

Ever since the visit of one of your Dear Leaders, Alexis "kn0thing" Ohanian, my inbox has been orangered with pleas to "Restore Truthiness." The track record of your hivemind speaks for itself. Mr. Splashypants got a name. You rescued Soapier. You frightened the sweet-and-sour Jesus out of a 90-year-old man on his birthday. Despite how silly and nonsexual reddit can be, your true colors show when someone is in need.

I almost had a pregnant when I saw what you had done at DonorsChoose.org for classrooms around the country. I am humbled and honored (a rare combination for me), and find myself wishing there was a Look of Approval.

You have inspired me by helping untold thousands of students; with the momentum you've created, we could stage a hundred rallies. I might just call on you ...

Did you see Jon Stewart's name in any of that? Didn't think so. Has anyone started a campaign for Johnny Boy? Uh-uh. Has anyone raised a penny for a Jon Stewart rally? Nope.

But a funny counter to Glenn Beck's own satirical of sorts rally is a brilliant idea. So Jon had to get in on the action. There's no way he'd give Colbert the sole glory of a Washington rally with millions of cheering, adoring fans.

Stewart elbowed Colbert out of the limelight, and announced on his show that he'll hold a little get-together on the Mall. He dubbed his march the Rally to Restore Sanity and scheduled it to take place on October 30, "a date of no significance whatsoever." Stewart called for everybody to come to Washington to show the 15 percent of America that drives the conversation that the rest of the country can get along.

"We're looking for the people who think shouting is annoying, counterproductive, and terrible for your throat; who feel that the loudest voices shouldn't be the only ones that get heard; and who believe that the only time it's appropriate to draw a Hitler mustache on someone is when that person is actually Hitler. Or Charlie Chaplin in certain roles."

Later that evening, Colbert (whose show airs after his boss's, natch) announced that he will sponsor a "March to Keep Fear Alive."

"But now, there are dark, optimistic forces trying to take away our Fear -- forces with salt and pepper hair and way more Emmys than they need. They want to replace our Fear with reason. But never forget -- 'Reason' is just one letter away from 'Treason.' Coincidence? Reasonable people would say it is, but America can't afford to take that chance."

Hmm ... wonder who the headliner will be?

(Note: This blog post was not paid for or approved by Stephen Colbert.)


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